Stuck In The Closet

At 41, I am still in the closet and for a long time I believed I was just a coward for not coming out. But then I realised, coming out has nothing to do with revealing your true identity to other people.  Coming out signifies the end of that internal struggle of self acceptance, from the time you realised that you are different to what is commonly accepted as "normal".  Unfortunately for me, I never reached that point of accepting myself as a gay man.  I understand now why I cannot come to that acceptance and that is because I am not a gay man .............. I am a straight woman born inside the body of a man.  And seeing that I will never be able to afford to transform myself into who/what I was suppose to be, I am stuck in no-mans-land.  And for me, that no-mans-land is a closet gay.
Garydavids Garydavids
36-40, M
Jan 5, 2013