Being Outed

Ok so I'll start this off saying I'm 21 and going to school in North Carolina. Ever since going to college I've had issues with not knowing exactly what I wanted with relationships. My freshman year I was curious about my sexuality and I had a "relationship" with a guy for about half a year. He was completely invested in it and I was hesitant about the whole idea of being with a guy even though it has been happening for the whole 6 months. No one knew about it and when it ended that was that. Two years later I had another escapade with a guy this time lasting about three months. He was completly invested and although I wasn't I said I was because I know how much I hurt the last one. That ended and I was happy and I moved on and now I'm dating a girl and it's going great. Last night I got a call from the first guy saying how him and the second guy got together and they bonded over the fact that they both hate me and how they're still mad. I'm worried that I'm going to be outed and I have no idea what to do. I'm not ready to be outed especially because I'm extremely happy in a straight relationship.
WForest2014 WForest2014
18-21
4 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Hey, I think that Zachgiudice and curmudgeon are really on target. It is so easy to let society's latest language environment and social trends limit our ability to see our individual world with the freedom and real vision required to find our own happiness. Labels are easy for fads, news stories and lazy mindedness; however, you are unique as all of us are and you must respect that uniqueness. The only caution that I would add is to try your absolute best to respect other peoples' emotions and dignity as a part of respecting your own uniqueness. Sexually, psychically and emotionally we are much too varied to be lumped into two, or even four categories. I wish you the best.

Just my opinion. It seems that the only reason you weren't satisfied in the homosexual relationship is because you worried to much about being outed or maybe someone finding out. you see, being in a straight relationship is a lot less stressful, you two can hold hands skipping down the street, but if it were with another man, people would most likely have something to say. Your happy in the relationship your in because its normal to people. Be true to yourself and live your life the way you want to live it. Its all up to you, no one else.

I suggest outing yourself, rather than letting other people "out" you. Are you afraid that she might take it wrong? I'd be more afraid other people she lichens (wow, spell check much? listens) to would advise her wrong and she misinterprets it.
Outing yourself (first) can invoke trust.
Just make sure she knows you are doing this because you respect her, and yourself, and your feelings for her. (and her feelings for you)
Should you choose to "out" anyway, you don't have too. It's your past, maybe you could have a conversation with her about her past and your past relationships, if you want. And do it like that.
But yeah, does she (can she even) give you an erection? As long as she knows that, she will probably accept you.. (not that you should go and sex her up or anything xD)

Haha yes I'm definitely bi if anything. I've had sex with her already (we've been going out for 2.5 months) and she has no probably giving me an erection. But I see myself with a wife and kids and all that jazz so I don't see the point in coming out because it'll be an unneeded stresser in the long run if that makes sense

I was thinking that if you don't come out then it would [i]be[/i] an unneeded stresser in the long run. Things can stress you out over time, anxiety and worry etc.
But other people are different so maybe not P:

Whatever floats your boat. Hope you can be prepared when the time comes (choosing or not).

If you are actually in an emotionally stable relationship with a female and you held one with a male for a period of six months to a year, chances are you may be bisexual. It's no big deal. I know usually when you hear people say "it's no big deal..." you honestly want to punch them in the face because they don't know. If you are comfortable with being with the girl, and you are emotionally as well as physically attracted to her, than all in all you might be bisexual. A lot of times couples who bond over a related separation, not just in gay relationships but heterosexual relationships too will do that and it's not that uncommon. If you're worried about being outed, then you need to re-evaluate the relationship with your girlfriend. Obviously you like her, and if you aren't sure if you are bisexual or maybe you were "testing the waters..." then just go with that. You don't have to answer to anybody. You don't have to take a label. Besides, two guys going around saying you are gay because you were with both of them before sounds discrediting. If that's all they have to do, and have nothing else better, I wouldn't near give them the time of day. Don't sweat it. Here for you.


(sorry I had to delete it and fix something I left out)

Thank you very much! Yeah I definitely like her and I do like penis lol but I would just rather not be out since I don't really know how everyone will react and I especailly don't want someone else to do it for me.

You aren't in any rush and you can come out on your own terms. Or hell, just don't come out at all. There are numerous married couples who are happily married yet are somewhat polyamourous with another couple. I'm not sure if that's down your alley or what, but my point is there's more options than choosing a label. As for them though, two guys going around claiming they both were with you still sounds extremely discrediting.

Thanks for all your support! I definitely know one for sure won't say anything because he's too decent to do that to anyone but we'll see how this goes with the other. I forget about it and then have mini heart attacks when I think about it again lol. Only 1.5 more years here and then I can start fresh again!