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Conflicted!

I'm also a 19 year old college student and soon to be RN. I like manly things also and live in a small town. In my family being gay is unacceptable and my mother always talks about me giving her grandchildren but I can't. This makes me so conflicted because i want nothing more than to be straight have kids and a house with a beautiful wife and my career as a physician. I am depressed and in pain everyday because of what I am. I feel like a failure no matter how much I achieve and don't feel like i could ever be out of the closet. I have dated a couple of times but never sustained a relationship with a girl. I have no clue what to do.
Breal2yourself Breal2yourself 18-21, M 2 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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Dear Breal2yourself,

You may be disappointing your family, but what about you? What about your feelings and your future happiness?

As another closeted guy, and much older than you, think about it. Don't rush things. And also parents often know something may be happening inside you. Don't think we are so fool.

A affectionate hug.

Taake care.

Hey.... it's ok man. Really. Most all of us have felt the same way. I can relate to you 100%. My family is small town mormon utahns. My grandmother and aunt had names picked out for my kids. I know how you feel... it sucks. BUt it's not as bad as it seems right now, trust me.
First things first- you are gay. You can't change it so stop trying. You'll only hurt yourself and others by trying. God made you this way. HE DID! Regardless of what alot of people say. Read the Book and do a little research. You'll see it says nothing about gays except for once, which it's taken out of context all too often (but i'll try to keep this a little shorter and leave that alone). God made you who you are and He loves you. Love yourself too. (ANd I can go on about this subject if you want just message me if you want more of my opinion lol). Being gay is not that big of a deal (even though it feels like it right now). It's not a quality or a downfall.... it's a detail. That's it. It's not the sole defining factor of who you are as a person, so don't treat it like it is. It's just part of you, which by the sound of it, you're an awesome person!- studying to be an RN, and you're more concerned about your mom's feelings than your own. You're a good person. Seriously, accept yourself man. It's the most important step of all to get through this.
2ndly, children. YOU CAN STILL GIVE YOUR MOM GRANDCHILDREN! There are so many ways dude... adoption, artificial insemination, etc. People do it all the time. I have my kid who was actually my deceased boyfriend's son, and I'm raising him now; my mother calls him her grndson and loves him just the same... I love him as my own. God works in mysterious ways dude. Stop being so hard on yourself. I've been through this already and I feel for you and if you'd like to chat or have questions or need anything, message me. Would be more than willing to help in whatever way I can. It'll be ok man.