I'm also a 19 year old college student and soon to be RN. I like manly things also and live in a small town. In my family being gay is unacceptable and my mother always talks about me giving her grandchildren but I can't. This makes me so conflicted because i want nothing more than to be straight have kids and a house with a beautiful wife and my career as a physician. I am depressed and in pain everyday because of what I am. I feel like a failure no matter how much I achieve and don't feel like i could ever be out of the closet. I have dated a couple of times but never sustained a relationship with a girl. I have no clue what to do.