I Lived the Wrong Life

I'll be 50 this summer. I've been married for 23 years. I have kids in college. My career is risky. And I prefer men to my wife. My wife found this out a couple of years ago and it has changed everything. First she hated me and wanted a divorce. We got past that. Now, she loves me (or tells herself and me that she does). She hates me too. She is 50 as well. Her fears of being alone are as great as anyone's. She thought I tricked her when I married her. I didn't; I thought that I liked men too didn't matter. And I could NEVER have come out. So marriage was the obvious thing. And I was a romantic and in love with her and she was beautiful.

There's so much more to tell, but I am so ******* lost. Divorce sounds like a nightmare. Being alone sounds like a nightmare. Coming out sounds like a nightmare. Staying in this relationship will be a nightmare. A waste of the rest of my life.

So, what to do. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

7nenoca 7nenoca
2 Responses Feb 21, 2009

dear mike name<br />
as a 67 year old married gay man....my advice to a young 24 year old is to come out proud and with dignity. My life has been a lie and believe me if someone could have helped me accept my homosexual urges at 24, I would have been spared a life of pain and could have allowed others to be spared of any hypocritical pretense <br />
<br />
Be who you are...and love it.

I don't envy your situation but I do sympathize. I just turned 24 this month and I've going out with my girlfriend for 4 years now. I've been confused about my sexuality for several years and am now coming to terms with the fact that I am gay. I love my girlfriend and I enjoy sex with her but I love men too. In the past we've talked of marriage. If you were in my situation what would you do? We live together, sleep together, and even share a checking account. We might as well be married. Do I come out and try to keep it together with her or do we break up? Or should I remain in the closet forever? <br />
<br />
What would you do if you were me? If you can answer that question that I think you know what to do with your situation.