Mom Doesn't Believe Me!

I tried to come out to my mom recently.  It was so difficult, and working up the courage to do it took weeks, but when I finally did, she told me that I was wrong!  She gave several reasons that convinced her that I was straight, and then asked if I agreed.  At first I said "I dunno" but after about an hour long conversation, I just gave up and told her what she wanted to hear, that I was wrong, I must actually be straight and we could both forget that we ever had the conversation.  One last thing she told me was that if I really was gay, she would tell my dad!  My dad is openly and stubbornly against gay anything!  He is afraid to be near gay men, and verbally abuses them every chance I get.  He said that gays are the only group he feels prejudiced against.  If he found out, he would hate me! 

That is not just a frightened assumption, He would HATE me!  I haven't come out to anyone else, and now I am too scared to try in case my dad were to find out!  I am 20 years old, but I still live at home, I am now the only person in the household who has a job.  I need my family to love me, and I know that it would not be possible if my dad knew I was gay. We are just getting to be like friends, and if he found out, he would explode. 

But I have to do something!  So here I am, telling untold numbers of strangers that I am gay! I don't know what the next step is.  please leave messages or comments or whatever.... thanks!

bicparker bicparker
18-21
6 Responses Mar 4, 2009

im sorry your mother did not deal with this the way she should have.<br />
but maybe (considering your fathers discrimination) she is trying to protect you -though be it not in the ideal way!<br />
in this day and age i can not believe people are still against sexual orientation. it is none of their business. it is not for another to dictate who you like/love.<br />
still, i can understand your problem here. ideally, you really need to get it out of the open and done with.<br />
if i was in that situation i would speak to my mum again and ask for some support. once that is achieved try and explain it to your dad, at least then it would be two against one.<br />
apart from that i cant really think of any other ways.<br />
im sure there are sites out there that might be able to give you better help though.<br />
good luck!

Look...your 20 and the breadwinner...how much can they HATE you,,,they need you bro.....they may be hurt and things may be lousy but ..someday you will be on your own....no adult man or women should live in pain,,because of a dependence on the love of others...if they truly love you they will deal...if they truly love you and they can't deal...thats not your fault..you'll have to live that, they are entitled to their feelings and right or wrong they are responsible for them You are responsible for YOU..its not always easy but at some point you wll be fine....just be yourself and dont expect miracles all at once..sometimes they take time ....dont stop looking ..or quit cause you may miss some of them,,,good luck !

By the way ...There is no such thing as THE gay lifestyle cracks me the eff up when people say that...I dont condone your LIFESTYLE... Well maybe ..I don't condone the STR8 "Lifestyle"but WTF ..I deal with it...some of my best friends are str8 ..we meet at Nascar tracks and talk about Rish Limbaugh and their latest affairs...oh but they are so nice....charming even....and ..they sure know how to quote the Bible..I am impressed !

Look...your 20 and the breadwinner...how much can they HATE you,,,they need you bro.....they may be hurt and things may be lousy but ..someday you will be on your own....no adult man or women should live in pain,,because of a dependence on the love of others...if they truly love you they will deal...if they truly love you and they can't deal...thats not your fault..you'll have to live that, they are entitled to their feelings and right or wrong they are responsible for them You are responsible for YOU..its not always easy but at some point you wll be fine....just be yourself and dont expect miracles all at once..sometimes they take time ....dont stop looking ..or quit cause you may miss some of them,,,good luck !

let me say this, find a man that you want to stay with and find out if your gay first. If you arent no harm done, if you are, tell your father, and say something like this. "The only person here who has a job is gay, if you dont like that, support yourself." if he doesnt want to be around you, move out, otherwise he won't like it but he'll be forced to become tolerant, or you will atleast have a guy you could move in with.<br />
<br />
(this is what i would do, Im not saying this is right, im just saying this is one way of doing it)

I have no idea what your going through but it makes me very sad to hear your story. I believe gays are born that way and too bad not everyone agrees. Im not gay but I'm not against either.