I Think I'm Gay...

I've been struggling with my sexuality for the last couple of years, I've never really been attracted to girls, of any variety, but I have been attracted to guys.  I've never had a serious relationship with anybody, and I've only ever told one person about my position, although there are a couple of people that might have guessed.  At my college campus there is a fairly diverse group of people in the LGBTQ group, several of whom I'm friends with.  I would like to explore that organization some and see if this really is who I am, but there is a problem that my sister (and her 3 year boyfriend) go to the same school.  The way word travels, they would find out in a day or two, and my sister would tell my mo, and she would flip out. 

That is the basis of my situation, I don't actually know what my parents would say, or if they have already guessed such.  From hearing what people say, most people think I am straight, but I have heard of some people convinced that I'm gay.  My college is fairly liberal, and I feel I would be fine there being openly gay, because they are accepted and treated as everyone else.  However, in my hometown I still have friends, and the few that were openly gay in highschool were shunned by a significant portion of the student body.

For next school year, I might have caught a lucky break.  My roommate, through almost pure chance is someone who is openly gay.  He contacted me to see if it would be fine if he signed up for the same room and I said yes.  I have no idea what our relationship is going to look like, or if I should put my burden on his shoulders. 

As I stated in the title, I'm not 100% positive I'm gay, and as much as I try I am not attracted by girls.  Guys are no problem, I have to watch my reactions very closely when in public because I'd much rather come out under my control at a time I choose, rather than gossip.

If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.  I've never sought out help before, so I really am at a loss.  If I want to find that "right guy" I'd really like to let them know I'm looking.

lonelybolt lonelybolt
8 Responses Jun 29, 2009

So what happened..........you still on EP?


If you like someone go for them it doesnt matter what gender they are


I don't think you should base your opinon of how people react to gay people on how people acted in high school...past the age of 20 no on gives a **** who you **** or what you like

Honestly, in my opinion you seem like a really good person, I think that if you let your personality shine, and wait it out, if this person likes you enough, you should be confident and comfortable enough to trust them with your thoughts and feelings toward both genders, and then you will know who and who your not attracted to :)

The battle for freedom is never fought, or won, from the comfort of your own safe haven. If you are not sure you are gay, well,buddy, there is only ONE way to find out..but I think you realize that, that is why you are just tickled pink at the potentials present in acquiring a gay roommate. Boy, I wish I could trade places with him !! Persecutions will come..they always do, most will be subtle, some will be harsh, some will be entirely in your own imagination..So I understand your desire to be sure,but may I offer a suggestion?? It sounds as if you are getting caught up in the MISTAKEN belief that to be gay, one must be OBVIOUSLY gay.. I am 47 years old (but skinny,physically fit,and crazed with life..and I love Korn,metallica, and my chemical romance)..Start walking hand in hand, and kissing in public, I can guarantee you that there will be harsh repercussions. Speak with a lisp, and dangle your hand like a queen, you wont get invited to many parties...Listen to me, you are surrounded by other boys who are obscessed with the prospect of sleeping with another guy, perhaps they even fantasize about YOU!!! Their fears are the exact same as yours..There is a "militant" spirit nowadays that to be gay is the last great accomplishment, you should proclaim your gayism from the tallest mountain..I dont ascribe to that philosophy..If someone asks if I am gay, I have responses which leave the doors open, but dont stick it in peoples faces..such as,"only if you are buying the dinner".."why, are you lonely?".."Damn, is my girlfriend spreading rumors again? oh, wait, I dont have one." ..like you say, word travels, and before too long,your responses will strike an attentive ear,and you will recieve welcomed support, if not a wonderful night..I have been gay, yet accepted by "nearly" everyone all my life, because I respect the fact that most people ARE offended by it, but appreciate that I am not on the GAY-Bandwagon..hope this helps..wish I could talk to you more..Be available, not obnoxious.

From the looks of your story my friend you probably are gay. Some of my best friends are gay and from talking to them it sounds kinda similar. Like even my friends that have had relationships with the other sex have told me how they hadn't been really attracted to the other person. Trying to be in relationships didn't work. I myself struggled with the same kinda thing for quite some time. I finally just figured that i was attracted to both. Anyways man just do what feels right, in your heart not your head, heads are corrupt with thought.