Oh What To Do

My boyfriend is a funny lovable man. However he can be mentally exhausting and im sure that its partially my fault. I love him because he thinks differently than most but nowadays i feel like our 4 yr relationship was for nothing other than a wAy for us both to survive. He loves me i know he does but sometimes i just feel stuck between what i know is the right thing to do for myself and what i feel for this manchild. He wouldnt live with someone like him and i dont understand why it seems to him that im always messing up. For example i wanted to start to eat better and maybe try to save a little bit of money ( my income is small about 600.00 $ a month) ( my rent is 200.00 my doctor is 100.00) -(to help you see how tight it is for me ). Im not an easy person to live with but he acts like everything i do is frusterating and wrong. I let him control a lot in this relAtionshit and i try hard not to let my extreme sensativity get in the way but the tears coming down my face are from the stress, frusteration and confusion. Im not perfect but i am kind and when i realiZe ive stepped out of line i try to apologize im more patient than i ever was ( but thats not my strong suite). Back to my example this month i wanted to try to eat better i wanted to try to do better on mty finances and he wasnt on board or supportive and all i got was flack and i give in way to easy about things i dont understand i have a good heart i mightve made some really bad mistakes but i dont cheat and i try to be what people need me to be. Im so tired of being here with him he isnt kind anymore or does he act the way a man in love with a woman should... He always finds fault at least a few times a day i get told that the dishes shouldnt be in the sink( it gets nasty in the drain). For example at the check out aisle i had gotten 3 jello boxes and he had already got two and neither one of realized the other one had and it upset him because instead of two or three boxes of jello we had 5. Well jello is 72 cents here and i dont know how anyone else would have reacted but my initial reaction was oh i didnt realize you got jello too and i laughed it was no big deal to him though i didnt pay attention and it wasnt funny ( and no this hardly ever happens). He was upset with me. And its little things all day long i want to quit smoking they have electronic cigs and i want to get one or two before i just up and stop ( some ppl can go cold turkey but i think itll make it easier to quit if i step down and the e cigs are like 8 bucks and last a few days). He says i dont have anything to help me come off of pot ( i understand where hes coming from and then again im just trying to better us). So i break down and we get some insense (. Although it cost about 30$ for 1 gram). And the whole ride down there he was nice and we had a fun night but now that hes got his way it just went back to being stressful and argumenative... Itll feel like hell for the both of us 2 leave each other and it feels like hell to be with each other... How long can i stand this? Ive been here a long time and it feels wasteful to throw it away. I know if i left him id worry about him and my heart would hurt but i could start working on the parts of me that i need to fix im going to therapy in 2 wks and i keep telling myself that itll fix what i need it to, but honestly he needs therapy too... I dont know if hes just abusive and brash and mean or if he realizes that hes being these ways but its breaking me down and any time we try to talk i always feel like he can say whatever however but i cant someone help
Unhappyness Unhappyness
22-25, F
1 Response May 2, 2012

If he wont change then look at it this way:<br />
<br />
You could spend forever together and it's always like this.<br />
<br />
or<br />
<br />
You could make a break, take the pain that will come, but that pain is only temporary and you will be able to live how you want without all the crap.

Maybe you'll meet someone who appreciates you too!