Wanting To Get Better

My Doctor first told me about codependency. I had no idea what it was, but she believed that that was what I was suffering from. I have read Melody Beattie's Books about Codependency - Codependent No More workbook and The New Codependency. There were many parts in the books that I felt bore no reference to me. Then I started to understand. Narcissists take advantage of codependents. I controlled to keep the peace. I did everything. My mother didn't care. She didn't want to do it, and didn't mind being served. She treats me like a personal assistant.

Many people don't understand how to survive in this. I am not looking for people to provide for me. You ask for help and everyone thinks you want a handout, but they'll help someone pay off their credit cards. My family life was always violent. I am in a situation that is delicate and involves others who are innocent. So I have to be careful. It is always easy for someone to tell you what you are doing wrong, yet can offer no solutions. I had someone at the other blog criticize why Southern California. I am from NYC, have programs for entrepreneur lined up, to support us, once I get out there to Southern California. Southern California is slightly cheaper than NYC, although it is still expensive, but it is a large city, where I have worked my research to see if it would be a good opportunity for us. I am not going into this blindly.

That is why I came to the Experience Project. Everyone here has been through it or understands. More solutions are offered. I so desperately want to be happy. There are steps to take in this long hard road. I am used to this, and can accomplish it. I am being proactive and not reactive. As I said earlier. There are others involved, including pets, that need to be protected. So, most things have to be done in secret. It will get done. I am not as frustrated as I used to be. I am even feeling better than I did last week. All in all, it takes time. I am seeking the professional help here, and will continue when I leave. This is for my children. Just because someone has figured another way to push your buttons and make you have a bad day. It doesn't mean you have to fall apart, I've learned. Of course that is what they want. You have to want change, and be willing to take the steps toward that change. Even if it means, like what I have to do, and have been strongly advised to do. Cut ties to my family. It is for the better.

Think of it this way. You are an emotional wreck now. Who is aiding you? You don't need those people who just stand around and watch or gossip about you in your life. Someone who puts you down. You have to want change to develop thick skin and let comments roll off your back. You have to want control of your life. It is okay to tell them, "No," you "don't have time for them today." Take care of yourself. It is okay to be a little self. Otherwise, you will self-destruct.

There is a lot involved with a move. Especially one across the Country with teens and pets. I want the change so bad that I will make it happen, because that is my goal and focus. I hope everyone else can chose something in their lives to focus on to change for the better. It is hard. Very hard. We can all do it. I will accomplish this because I believe in myself. Take a deep, deep breath and tell yourself that you are ready for a change for the better.
WrenHomeNYC WrenHomeNYC
41-45, F
1 Response May 4, 2012

i totally relate to every word you said,and i hope i have the same strength that you are starting to have :)