The Relationship Between Me And Mom

I am 28 years old, I still live with mom because i dont have a job or enough money to sustain myself. I realized some time ago that the main reason why I still am with a control freak who always wants to be right and if anyone tries to overcome her opinion she gets upset. I still live with her because i get discouraged so easily its hard for me emotionally to overcome my discouragement in a short amount of time so I can keep going, even though im not one to give up. I'm not sure if being discouraged easily has anything to do with mom and how she treats me, but maybe they are connected. I keep telling her i have nothing to stay for, I want to be independent, yet at night when she's home, she acts so helpless as if she could not change her life. I mean shes always asking me to get the phone in the kitchen while she sits at the kitchen table a few paces away, or asking me to get her ipad when she can get it herself. it's like she doesn't want to get out of her couch to get something, just to use the toilet, or get ready for bed. Every day she gets home, her first statement is did you get the mail, like she needs it that very minute. And now she is treating me like a slave, having been her admin assistant for a year to pay off some of my credit card debt, she says she can't pay me anymore because she doesnt have enough, yet she makes me do the admin work as if it were rent which is really my daily household chores.

I do appreciate her being a financial angel, but she has come to a point where she is so worried about how much she doesnt have, so she is very stingy, even though she makes more money than megan and probably about the same as my eldest. I mean its like she loves me through the money she has, not through her heart, because she spend a lot of money on my health needs while i was growing up, which makes everyone else in the family jealous. Not that I really wanted her to put all that money down for me, especially when most of it was used to fix me up at times. Even worse she denies her behavior is unhealthy with justifications that sound like "I am better than you, so listen to me, because you have no right to express your opinion."
LitamalianTherpo LitamalianTherpo
31-35, M
1 Response Sep 12, 2012

Dear LitamalianTherpo,

sometimes... to make that break.. you just gotta recognise that the person is trying to control your life...

I am kinda in the same shoes... my co-dependent friend is trying emotional blackmail techniques to try to keep me in his circle.... or keep me behaving the way he wants me to behave... I am sick of it.

so I decided... that's it.. I'm just gonna leave.... its just not right for anyone to be controling anyone's life.. no matter how its done... you have your own life to lead.. and it cannot happen if you keep sticking with someone who is constantly telling you what to do.... cos THEY think its right...

I see the co-dependency coming from both sides... decide that you do not NEED this person and you are done... once and for all...