I Get It

Right now, at this moment, i feel like a complete and utter failure in my life.
i mean, come on.
i'm 30 yrs old now.  I am suppose to have at least done SOMEthing with my life right?
but no.  here i sit.  at 12:47am on a Thursday night knowing i haven't done anything with it at all.
i'm currently unemployed. single mom. just out of a relationship that wasn't right...yet again.  so i'm alone.

i have failed to accomplish anything at all with my life. i can't even have a decent relationshp.  with anyone really, friendship included...which is possibly why i'm here...to avoid connecting with the 'real world' b/c in the 'real world' i let people down.

i just...i've failed.  this is not exactly how i envisioned my life to be like.

some would argue being a mother is hardly a failure, blah blah blah.  maybe not.  she's a good thing in my life, but i feel like i've failed her too.  i mean, we don't have a lot of money for anything.  Her gma (HIS mom) pays for a lot of stuff for her...b/c i can't.

i just see so many other people i've known in the past who have done something with their lives.  they look amazing, have amazing looking spouses and kids, jobs, etc etc....and then there's me.  ****.
KinkyFlower KinkyFlower
31-35, F
12 Responses Jul 16, 2010

i totally agree...one day it's fine..the next it's not lol<br />
i hope i get this job cherry! it would be awesome!

I'm glad you're feeling better! It's weird how some days are just harder on us than others, ya know. One day we can blow if off and the next day we want to cry hysterically and feel like the sky is falling! haha. But hey, there is a potential job on the horizon now, so yay! Things might start looking up, up, up soon!

i do feel better since posting this thanks :)<br />
it just gets me down sometimes. i know i have a lot to be thankful for, and try to keep remembering all of that when i get in a funk lol

*hugs KF* <br />
<br />
I really really hope you're feeling much better about this since posing this. It's good to vent though when the world feels like it's crashing down. <br />
<br />
I know you might thing this is easier said than done but you shouldn't look at others at all and never compare yourself to them. We all play to our strengths, and it wouldn't be fair to be so hard on yourself. <br />
<br />
Besides, even if they do have the seemingly perfect life we honestly have no idea what's going on behind closed doors. I know how hard it is not to look at others and feel insecure (goodness knows how I'm very envious and insecure most of the time) but you just need to keep reminding yourself that you have great things going for you too that they probably do not even have.<br />
<br />
You think you have no accomplishments but I disagree!<br />
<br />
You have a wonderful way with words. You can give wonderful advice. You have great friends here on EP. And, the biggest and best accomplishment of them all, you're a mother. You alone know how much love goes into building such a strong relationship - that alone is hard to have! :D<br />
<br />
You're much stronger than you think and sound like such an amazing person. I hope you're feeling so much better since you've posted this and that I hopefully haven't reopened old wounds? >_< *blush*

thank you *hugs*<br />
<br />
it's definitely hard to be down when i have SO many wonderful EP friends here to lift me up and encourage me along the way :)

Thank you SO much cherry for your ever-encouraging comments! *hugs*<br />
<br />
i do feel better about it now...somewhat lol i mean, i still think that way a little, but it doesn't get me down like it did that day. that was a BAD day for me lol<br />
<br />
idk...i just think i could do something more ya know? idk what tho? it was really rough for me when my two best friends (my aunt and my sister) got married only 4 months apart...and yeah..i was the maid of honor for both. it's like wow...i really am alone. neither one have the time like they used to, which is understandable, but...it gets incredibly lonely sometimes. thank goodness for EP or i might have ended up in the crazy house by now lol

I hope you're feeling better about this now. <br />
<br />
It can be easy to look at others, start comparing, and feel like a disgrace compared to them and the expectations of society. You know what though? Things aren't always as they appear. You see all of those people with their nice houses and cars, good looking spouses, and kids dressed in name brand clothes listening to their iPods...but over half the time, they're severely in debt because they bought a house/car they couldn't afford. They may have the big shot career, but are so far in debt paying for their schooling that it's basically pointless:P Their good looking spouses are either cheating on them or probably just don't understand them. The parents can barely get their kids to talk to them because they're so spoiled and are too busy listening to their music:P You are a success every single day you get out of bed. Screw expectations:P You have your own path incomparable to anyone else's. I have faith in you!

Thanks TK :) EP is definitely a good thing!

im only young and have no idea what its like to be where you are in your life right now. but i know that you cant give up hope. im sure your child doesnt think your a failure. and you have done something right in your life, coming onto experience project, sure it may not be real life, but there is real people giving you real comments, and none of them are bad. :) <br />
keep your chin up, everything will work itself out.<br />

EP is definitely good for venting! lol i still feel the same today as yesterday, but...i can either choose to dwell on it and be miserable or i can just accept it and go on with life.<br />
<br />
@ aces~~maybe i need to get a lotto ticket today then lol

Thanks for venting, cause your child depend on you for your sanity. You know life is not easy, for the moment, or day you and the child are alive, one day at a time. I was broke one day, same as you, and won money the next day.

Don't judge n punis yourself so harsh, Flower. please know that I was a failure in relationships, in life's many parts,too,in the past.But I kept the faith lookes at what is worng, and changed myself , and is still changing , slowly, bit by bit.<br />
So can you. So cheer up please.<br />
Love n Hugs<br />
your friend<br />