I am not sure how should I articulate my intimate thoughts and pour the numbing coldness of my heart on a webpage. I am a student from India enrolled in a Doctoral programme. I do not know where did my life go wrong . I cannot make my parents happy. Even when I do achieve something ; the tendency at home is to compare and contrast it with the results of my peers. After successively topping for two years, when I failed to achieve the goal the third time.... I was being told how my procrastinating habits are leading me to my ruin. After my Masters degree when I failed to get into the best university( I got through another pretty good place where I learnt a lot)...... I was not even given an opportunity to vent out my feelings. Either they abuse me constantly saying how my peers are doing better than me. Or else they just remain silent. During my Mphil I worked my *****; excavated new research areas and explored original archives. Still they were not happy; they constantly said how I am not earning enough to sustain my 'academic needs'. When I failed at a highly competitive entrance examination last month, they just slammed my bound thesis on my face. Trust me, the academics or even the failed academics like me know how a thesis is like a baby. Now when I am trying to apply to some Graduate Programmes in UK and USA..round the clock they express their displeasure and predict how my efforts will again lead to failure.
When it comes to the job market in my country..most of the call centres and small level journalism recruiters tell me that I am too overqualified for their entry level jobs. While the top media houses tell me that I need experience to bolster my CV. After a month long correspondence, today I got another rejection letter from a topnotch media house saying I need experience. Unlike the first world here you cannot leave your parental home and stay alone. Me being a single child of two over-achiever parents also does not help. Many in my own field know them and I cannot evade uncomfortable questions. Where can I run from here? I just wish to visit a sea side town in a stormy night. I wish to embrace the waves and disappear. I need to find a 'fiddlers green' where my tears will be submerged in the watery grave.
mimesis25 mimesis25
26-30, F
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

I know parents can be very insensitive and ignorant at times, especially indian parents. If only people were licensed to raise babies! anyways...you sound like a highly educated person. You have knowledge and training which is invaluable, it will not go waste. Stay strong, I'm sure you will find a decent job. I know it is a difficult time, but believe me ,after some years when you'll look back, you will be surprised how insignificant it was in contrast to the wider schemes of things...alright?

ohhh don't girl. please don't. message me because i can't due to settings. and trust me, i understand.