Give Me Your Word

It's a shame that nobody will ever truly understand what you're going through. Some may experience similar things and get an idea, but never truly know what goes on in your head and what you feel in your heart. I guess you could say I feel indescribable all the time. I'm a girl who's cursed with constant mood swings and a need for attention. I suffer from insecurity and I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. I mean hormones only go so far. Sometimes you just feel lonely and the world just gets scary. You're consumed with fear and suddenly you realize you're stuck that way. Yes, their may be escapes such as running away, drinking, smoking, or drugs. I don't do those things, but sometimes I want to. I want the easy way out. I don't want to face pain. I'm smart enough to know that suicide and cutting is wrong, but I'm stupid enough not to ask for professional help. I know that it takes courage to ask for help, but I'm insecure, remember? I'm just too bad afraid. It's easier said than done to get what you want. If being happy was easy, we'd have no conflicts. Then the world would be unbalanced and I guess life would be boring. Although I've got to say that I'd prefer peace. I'm sure that makes me selfish. I'm willing o  admit that I'm selfish in the sense that I want to feel secure. I want to live this life happy. With that being said I want to know that my friends will be their for me and so will my family. For me...that just doesn't seem real. I have a best friend who've I've been close to for ten years now. My family has always been pretty supportive, but not enough. Not the kind of support I need. I need them to tell me that everything will be okay and that they're there for me. I just don't feel like they are anymore. I've been dealing with a lot of stress lately that I feel like I could explode and I was talking to my best friend about it and all she told me was to not worry. She ended it with "don"t worry" as if it was that easy. She knows that my biggest flaw is worrying too much. I just don't feel like she cares about how I feel anymore. And our friendship is one of the things I'm stressed about. She the type that's hard to communicate with when it comes to emotions. I don't want to lose her, but I need her to help me. I need someone. I've come to conclusion that I do need to talk to someone professionally, but now that I have certain priorities to take care of, I can't right now. And nobody seems to understand that. Everyone that I try and talk to about how I feel say to talk to a professional, but I tell them I can't at the moment. I'm counting on the people that I tell to be there for the time being. It's one thing when your friends and family have their problems of their own, but it's another thing when doesn't seem like they want to help you. It really sucks feeling trapped in your own mind. :(
AngelWithin AngelWithin
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 8, 2010

I am having a similar problem with a 7 year friendship of mine I had to figure out what was best for me was to let it go cna't deal with the pain and neglect anymore try to figure out wat is best for you even though it maybe hard