Complicated...

I wish I were a simple person, but I am not. I believe that a person is the sum of the experiences he has lived through, and my experiences have been quite something (just take a look at my profile!). I wish I was an easy person to deal with, yet I am not. I wish that people would understand me, yet they don’t. I wish my emotions were easy to decipher, yet they are not. I wish my thought process would have some logic, yet it doesn’t. I wish I could be easily explained, yet I can’t. I wish wishing was enough, yet it never is. But one thing I can do…and that is to accept myself for who I am, even if I don’t totally understand myself, even if I don’t always make sense to myself, and celebrate the beauty of my complexity, even if I just celebrate it by myself.
Ralphsnt69 Ralphsnt69
46-50, M
3 Responses May 18, 2012

Life is complicated. I agree that all our experiences help mold us into who we are. I too am complicated, I am also bipolar and that is a whole other ballgame in itself. But I know what its like to feel empty and not know who I am. It took me a long time to be able to accept myself, and there are still days where I ask myself who am I? But at the end of the day I am just me and that is all I can be. I stumbled across an amazing piece on fb...it goes something like this, thought I would share it with you...<br />
<br />
I'm only me.<br />
That is all I can be.<br />
No more, no less, don't second guess.<br />
I love, I live, I laugh, I cry.<br />
I've wished sometimes that I could die.<br />
Some days I am funny, other days I am not.<br />
Sometimes I am in overdrive and cannot stop.<br />
You may not like me<br />
But that is okay because this is me,<br />
and this is how I will stay.

I agree with miss broken, Life can be short, I have lost a partner and a 2nd mother 11 months apart. Neither of them should have gone so early. He was 48 and she 62. Watching both of them take their last breath in this world inspires me to change my life. I have to be me and I am not sure of the future but I am going to live life. <br />
<br />
So keep people guessing, and enjoy.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Life can be so harsh. But thanks for your words of encouragement.

Enough time has past now. I have delt with the loss. don't get me wrong I still miss them both and at different times. And I thank them for encouraging me to be who I am today. Both of them played a role in that.
My thought for you is to never apologize for being yourself.

You and I are much alike, there is one thing I learned about me though. My complexity is what allows me to simplify life. Just being true to your self and sharing the love in your hearty with others will un-complicate things around you. Turns out, you must first love your self to love others, then, the more love you give the more you receive. At first when I followed this idea it did not work, but suddenly, it does! The complicated me I learned was the "how" to finding peace within my soul, I was able to ask my self the deeper questions, then answer them. <br />
My mind will always run a million miles a minute thinking of many different subjects at the same time, all the time. The difference is, I allow that thinking to help me not resist me. Your complicated mind is a wonderful thing, in time and a little will power, you'll find it is. Love that beautiful complex mind of yours, it will love you back....:)

Thank you!!