My Lonely Tortured Existence...

My conception into this world was never desired. My purpose still beyond me. I am but an outcast, this world, the people within it, refuse to accept me. I am a man of 22 years. I was born into a family dominated by matriarch. It consisted only of maidens, it was considered bad luck to concieve a boy into the bloodline. I know, this sounds inconcievable but this is truth. I wasn't recieved with love and affection only contempt. My own mother rejected me along with my sisters, it was my father and his family that welcomed me. As I grew up I wasn't treated as part of the family, regarded as a curse, never recieving any type of warmth. All my life all that I wanted was to feel like I belong. All I sought was the approval of women. But I have failed, I have never been kissed or hugged. no woman has ever payed me such attention, not even compliments. I did try to have a relationship with women, but i've always been turned down for others that appealed to them. Even more pathetic, many have cheated on me and manipulated me. I...attempted to end my life once by throwing myself off a bridge during a storm, but, I survived. I woke up two days later ashore. I saw no angels, but I felt even more of an outcast to this world. I fell like a shadow trying to exist in a world of light. Am I a monster? Why must I continue to exist alone, cold and empty? For what purpose was my birth? Am I truly nothing more but a curse? Will I ever find a woman who can accept me and prove to me that love exists? Is there even such a thing as true love? What is my purpose, my fate? Why didn't I die?