Why Don't I Ever Feel Full?

I spent my HS years being overweight, and therefore overlooked.  My first year of college I was so busy, I lived on avocado sushi rolls that I bought on campus and halfway through the year realized I had lost a lot of weight.  Since then it has been a roller coaster and I have ranged in size from 6 - 24, no joke.



My real problem is that I am a compulsive eater.  I tend to eat compulsively when I am anxious, stressed or nervous.  But sometimes, I overeat because it tastes good, and unlike most human beings, I don't really experience the sensation of being full.  Sometimes, I can eat enough to feed the proverbial small army and I still feel the need to eat more and eventually just stop because my jaw hurts.  

As I eat, I know I will feel regret later on, and I know that it is not worth it.  I also feel guilty that I am eating so wantonly when there are starving people in this world.  And yet, I cannot bring myself to stop. 

I trace this eating disorder back to my childhood when my mother would swing between being excessively restrictive about sweets, to devouring a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting with me and my sisters.  I developed a tendency to hoard and overeat in private.  As it is now, I would never gorge in public, only in the privacy of my own home.  

I know that the answer lies in being at peace with myself and just plain being strict; however, I find time and time again, I sit staring at the empty pizza box and wonder how I did it all over again.  I am for the record a size 8 now, so don't think that this is something that only manifests in overweight people. 

Pufina Pufina
31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 16, 2010

oh love, I have the same problem. I do not actually every get the feeling of being hungry or the feeling of being full. As a child I was NEVER overweight... I was beautiful, tan, and athletic.... All of my friends were bigger than me- we ate alot... Well I exercised alot and ate alot.. they didnt... I dont know why this really started but I was 14 at a size 6/7 I looked like a women. No problems there at all.. but I thought I needed to be smaller. so I dropped from 160- to about 130lbs at 5'9' I compulsively exercised and started to become obsessed with food and exercise and calories. I am now twenty and after going through every "eating disorder" in the book.. I keep trying everyday.. somedays I just give up and take it in like today... it gets so frustrating because I dont get full. I have not for a long time... so I just keep eating and eating waiting for that full feeling and I use that as an excuse :(.. you are right to say that not just overweght people struggle with this.. If someone saw me- they would just think I am really strong and muscular. I have never been told I was fat while I struggled with this--- but for some reason i remembered being called fat when I was in 5th grade and while I was 14.... now though being a "women" I am just fine or curvy.... how do you handle your food?~

oh love, I have the same problem. I do not actually every get the feeling of being hungry or the feeling of being full. As a child I was NEVER overweight... I was beautiful, tan, and athletic.... All of my friends were bigger than me- we ate alot... Well I exercised alot and ate alot.. they didnt... I dont know why this really started but I was 14 at a size 6/7 I looked like a women. No problems there at all.. but I thought I needed to be smaller. so I dropped from 160- to about 130lbs at 5'9' I compulsively exercised and started to become obsessed with food and exercise and calories. I am now twenty and after going through every "eating disorder" in the book.. I keep trying everyday.. somedays I just give up and take it in like today... it gets so frustrating because I dont get full. I have not for a long time... so I just keep eating and eating waiting for that full feeling and I use that as an excuse :(.. you are right to say that not just overweght people struggle with this.. If someone saw me- they would just think I am really strong and muscular. I have never been told I was fat while I struggled with this--- but for some reason i remembered being called fat when I was in 5th grade and while I was 14.... now though being a "women" I am just fine or curvy.... how do you handle your food?~

I'm the same way. I range from size 14 to 22 and right now I am a 20. I'm getting married in September and want to get back to an 18 but no matter how hard I try I just cant seem to control the not eating. It's mostly when I'm board but lately even when I am busy at work I find myself constantly thinking about food. I wonder if it is because I never feel full.

Probably.

I am the same way. My range is from size 2 - 16. When I was a 2, I controlled my eating very well, but now I can't and I'm up to a size 8. I feel extra guilty, because I know I could be a 2, but my eating is stopping me. I hate myself for my terrible eating... just want to get back to my 2's.