This Is Ruining My Life

I am a compulsive liar. I know it and everyone else knows it as well. I cherish the deception that I used to get what I want and sometimes I lie just because I'm bored or want people to like me. I'm not sure why. My life is interesting enough as it is. I'm a professional entertainer, dancer, and model so I get to do very exciting and new things all the time. So why the lies? I have no idea. It's really weird. I also lie to get out of trouble (obviously) and when I get caught I get tangled up even worse in my web of lies. I am constantly ashamed and feel like a total sociopath constantly. I even lie to make people feel bad about themselves. I'm trying to be a better person since I have two beautiful children and I hypocritically instate a policy of truth in my house.
I think it started in my childhood and I was punished harshly for small things I did so I would lie to avoid the smacks and hurtful words. Now I am always paranoid that I am being watched by everyone and I feel like I have to put on a facade all the time. I also have always had a vivid imagination so it's easy for me to make up something believable.
What's weird is I have moments of total honesty that borders on cruelty. It feels great to tell the truth so I go way overboard and end up being mean and brutal when I tell the truth.
My fiance hates it when I lie and tells me it will be the end of our relationship and that I should trust him that he loves me and I don't have to lie to him. He won't leave me if I'm honest but this is seriously a very hard habit to break and I'm very frustrated.
OnlyLiveTwice OnlyLiveTwice
26-30
6 Responses Sep 20, 2012

What is this in response to?

Hi Only Live Twice,
Lady, you lie because, in my opinion, you are a lying addict.

I define lying addiction as “The condition of being addicted to lying as a normal and reflexive way of responding to life where the intention is not to cause harm to others.” as opposed to compulsive lying which I define as “the compulsive need to lie as a normal and reflexive way of responding to life.”

However, as “compulsive liars” often premeditate their lies as well as lie when driven by the compulsion to do so, I do not feel the term “compulsive liars” adequately covers the condition of lying as a reflexive way of life. Addiction does cover it which is defined as “The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.”

This is why the habit, you say, is hard to break. Stopping any addiction can be brutal.

I recently published a book which I know will be of great use to you and many others like you who tell the same story over and over again. Only the characters change. It is called "When Truth is not Enough: Insights into the Minds of Lying Addicts" by Billi Caine. You can find it on Amazon Kindle. I wrote a book too for the loved ones of lying addicts called "Tired of Being the Detective: Insights into the Minds of the Loved Ones of Lying Addicts." by Billi Caine which is also on Amazon Kindle.

In relation to you and your fiance being hurt by your lies... I also recently launched a Home Mediation Kit too to help people like you both walk your way through the mine field of recovery from lying addiction. You can find it at...

http://www.lyingaddiction-homemediationkit.com

There is HOPE and there is HELP.

Big Hug,
Billi Caine

Not much I can say except I understand and good luck. Your awareness of the problem is the first step to combatting it.

The first huge step is that you recognize this and can describe the whole situation so well. Kudos!! The next is to answer the why? I would suggest that a lot of people do this(and there are a lot) out of fear,yes FEAR! It may be long buried but people who were harshly treated as a child long term for anything they got wrong, end up "creating " answers which will not be constantly crushed. Whatever the reason the next step is for you to say "how can help myself past this" Enlist your boy friends help. Ask him to patiently and silently make a time out sign ( threats won't work).Then you need to count up to 10, thinking thru the true answer as you see it. Additionally you can wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you get that feeling of having misrepresented something.You can also say "Can I get back to you", I don't know." Let me think about this." If you can afford it ..get therapy rather than join a group. Do NOT stay with a therapist who you feel isn't helping you,or you don't respect or talks about himself all your sessions.. My last therapist, (and i can go back to him anytime,) was about the best one anyone could have. I arrived at him after walking out on 3. You are on the right road, and I wish you all the best

The first huge step is that you recognize this and can describe the whole situation so well. Kudos!! The next is to answer the why? I would suggest that a lot of people do this(and there are a lot) out of fear,yes FEAR! It may be long buried but people who were harshly treated as a child long term for anything they got wrong, end up "creating " answers which will not be constantly crushed. Whatever the reason the next step is for you to say "how can help myself past this" Enlist your boy friends help. Ask him to patiently and silently make a time out sign ( threats won't work).Then you need to count up to 10, thinking thru the true answer as you see it. Additionally you can wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you get that feeling of having misrepresented something.You can also say "Can I get back to you", I don't know." Let me think about this." If you can afford it ..get therapy rather than join a group. Do NOT stay with a therapist who you feel isn't helping you,or you don't respect or talks about himself all your sessions.. My last therapist, (and i can go back to him anytime,) was about the best one anyone could have. I arrived at him after walking out on 3. You are on the right road, and I wish you all the best

The first huge step is that you recognize this and can describe the whole situation so well. Kudos!! The next is to answer the why? I would suggest that a lot of people do this(and there are a lot) out of fear,yes FEAR! It may be long buried but people who were harshly treated as a child long term for anything they got wrong, end up "creating " answers which will not be constantly crushed. Whatever the reason the next step is for you to say "how can help myself past this" Enlist your boy friends help. Ask him to patiently and silently make a time out sign ( threats won't work).Then you need to count up to 10, thinking thru the true answer as you see it. Additionally you can wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you get that feeling of having misrepresented something.You can also say "Can I get back to you", I don't know." Let me think about this." If you can afford it ..get therapy rather than join a group. Do NOT stay with a therapist who you feel isn't helping you,or you don't respect or talks about himself all your sessions.. My last therapist, (and i can go back to him anytime,) was about the best one anyone could have. I arrived at him after walking out on 3. You are on the right road, and I wish you all the best