I Don't Mean To Be

I've been like this as long as I can remember. I was 4 the first time if I remember correctly. I got mad at my mom and scribbled all over a picture of her. When I was confronted I lied and said it was my cousin and she fell for it. I lie about stupid little things! It's not cause I want to lie or like it, it's just I have this thing about getting in trouble. I just can't! I mean I feel horrible after I get in trouble and I hate dissappointing people and I hate not being perfect. Or at least I hate it when people see that I am not perfect. I take what people think of me very seriously. I know I shouldn't, but it's just one of those things. It's also impossible for me to forget instances where I embarrassed myself. I keep thinking back and feeling embarrassed all over again.

So I guess I lie to keep from getting in trouble. But it's getting out of control. Now I am doing it to get attention. *blush* It's gotten to the point where it's an involuntary reaction. I've gotten so used to lying that I do it without thinking anymore and once the lie is out you can't take it back. I would make "Little white lies" , the problem is their not so little anymore.

To be honost I've given up. I guess this is who I am. Even though I hate that part of me..... I am still a nice person and I only lie about things that would affect me. I will never lie to friends if they ask me a serious question. That's a line I will never cross. I promised myself.

So I'm a little confused right now. I don't know how to stop or even where to begin
LostandConfusedGurl LostandConfusedGurl
18-21, F
Dec 3, 2012