Many years ago I had my first experience where a lie made my life better, atleast for the moment. Since then I have told many, many lies. To friends and family mostly. It's not so much a habit as a mean to protect myself from awkwardness, shame or harm. When faced with a situation that, if I tell the truth, would lead to me being embarrassed, ashamed, look down on or anything like this, I would lie, to make me look better and avoid all kinds of awkwardness. This is what I did for many years. It was just a part of every day, lying to avoid uncomfortable situation. Then I met her, The One that would change my view on my ways and life. At the start of our relationship I went on as I always had, whenever faced with something that would lead to me looked bad or being ashamed, I would lie my way out of it. Atleast I though I was getting out of it. What I didn't know back then was that I was digging an ever deeper hole from which there is only one way out. Truth. As the weeks and months went on I kept telling the lies to protect myself, and the hole kept getting deeper and the walls more and more unstable. Until one day, when it all collapsed... I got to see and experience what lies really does. It destroys trust, and with it, your relationship with whoever you have lied to. But at the end of the day, now I had finally seen the truth and I could change for the better. Well... for a while atleast. Turns out changing your ways by just a flick of a switch isn't as easy as it seemed at first. The first months went by and I was telling the truth and it felt like I was doing good. But then, as I let my guard down, the lies started to creep back. And once again the dark walls of the hole was closing around me. And just like they did before, they eventually collapsed. This time harder than before. But surly now, after two times I have to realize what I'm doing and make a change. Yes...for a while. Again, for a month or so the truth was there. But as soon as the memory fades out even the slightest best, the lies comes back. Admittedly they are fewer than before, but one is enough to ruin everything. And again...Failure. So here I am, a man who broke the trust of the one he claims he loves, again and again, until he destroyed it all. The fact that I haven't changed is quite scary. But I have now realized that It's not going to happen by just simply saying "I will change this". It will work for a month, or maybe two. Then it will start coming back, however it's not all bad news. Comparing me 1 year ago to who I am now, the lies are far less. But it doesn't matter... As long as there are any lies it is not enough. I need to do something differently this time, I might have burned the last bridge with The One... But I will finish what we started together and I will become a truthful person one day. Starting by telling my story....I wont give up, and I will succeed. But until then, I am a liar.
Tooux Tooux
22-25, M
1 Response Aug 21, 2014

Hello, I too am a compulsive liar. I have a girlfriend of 3 years who has just caught me in a lie, and it all boiled to a point where I had the realization that I had a huge problem. The damage I have caused is beyond words. Just like you I lied to the woman I love and cherish so dearly..but seeing how she just figured out these lies, that doesn't fix much and she won't fully believe it. Here is my advice to you: You understand you have a problem, which is a crucial step. Next, admit every single lie you have told to everyone. Yes at first those people will be extremely mad. But it is a big step. I also wanted to ask if you have sought any professional help? Please comment back or message me with any questions, I will pray for you on your journey, and I hope that you and your loved one will reunite soon!