1st Steps

I am not here at this site by accident. In fact, while the title may be 1st step, this is a last step for my marriage. I am a compulsive liar, and I don't want to be. I don't consider my childhood to be extraordinary in any way. Middle class, 2 parent household, I was not abused as a child, but my father was abusive towards my mother, and he had a temper. You never knew what mood he would be in when he got home. I never really thought of myself as a liar, since I never lied about anything major, just "little" things. I got to the point where I would usually just not say anything, and let people assume whatever they liked about me. The less I said the better I seemed to get. In hindsight I find the realization that I have of being a compulsive liar, strange. I was always considered to be an honest person. But, now that I think about it I was honest about others, but never myself. I read a story on here by infinitedreamer, and quickly came to tears because I realized I had buried a lot of things, and while I don't want to place the blame of my actions on any one else, I do need to recognize what could be the source. An angry father, did I start lying to protect myself, these things will take some deep introspection. But, i am here because I love my wife, and trying to change on my own has not worked so far. She deserves better and I want to be better. So I will search myself, unearth what needs to be brought up, and work out, cast out, and rid myself of this "habit". So I can be better, in every since of the word.

metnema metnema
31-35
2 Responses Mar 3, 2009

One thing I have come to realize is, when it comes to lies, for me, the basis is fear. I do not lie to make myself look better, or feel better, rather I lied out of the fear of being put in a possible situation that I did not want to be in. Now the situations may vary, from being in trouble with my parents when I was younger, to being made fun of because I was different, or just being put in situations beyond my control. I lied because these were thing I was, and still am to some extent, afraid of. But the truth is I am never more out of control than when I lie, because I have absolutely no influence on any outside force that may contradict my lie. I always got into more trouble because of a lie than the thing I was trying to cover up. The lie only brought me temporary relief, then the worry that I may be found out would kick in and, for lack of a better term, haunt me. I feel sick to my stomach after I lie. But I lie to myself and say that it was better than the truth and the consequences that would follow "being found out". Now I am in the position of having to "fight" to be respected, "earning" the trust of those that love me, and "winning back" those that would rather have nothing to do with me any more. I am a Christian, and what I am about to say may not sound very Christ like but, screw everybody else. If you have to lie to people for their acceptance, screw them. They are not worth it. Be yourself let people get to know the real you, and if they dont like it they can move on in life, and you both will be better for it. Own up to any situation that you feel you need to run from. The punishment you face for your actions may be bad, but you are only punishing yourself, being held captive by your lie. And, try to be honest up front. If you dont want to do something dont do it, screw the people that want to look down on you for being yourself. There are other people that act like you, that think like you, that you can be yourself around and not feel ashamed, less than, or foolish around. Own your life with the truth, dont let the lies own you any more. I am not saying it will be easy, for me it was a struggle at first, but I keep in my mind their are those whom I love that I want to change for. My God, my wife, my family and myself.

I too am trying to save my marriage and my job. I lie to make myself look good. I can't ever admit a failure. <br />
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I've got some issues in my past too, but the LIES MUST STOP. It's killing me. I can't do it on my own. I need help.<br />
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I lied to my priest yesterday and I did a coverup lie today when he called. "I must have been confused. " I said, "What I meant was x".<br />
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I need to confess my sin and ask for forgiveness. I've GOT TO STOP! God, please help me.