I Am a Compulsive Liar


I hate liars.  I hate lying.  However I have come to the realization that I am a compulsive liar.  I lie, constantly, with no goal or purpose in mind.  I lie for the sake of lying.  I lie to not tell the truth. 

Most psychologists will break liars into two categories:  pathological and compulsive.  Pathological liars deceive systematically in order to manipulate.  They are generally very cunning people whose lies get them some desired outcome.  Pathological lying is considered harder to overcome, since those lies generally benefit the liar.  Still, I would rather be pathological.  At least that makes some sense. 

I am what would be considered a compulsive liar.  Compulsive liars deceive out of habit.  Generally, compulsive liars aren’t particularly manipulative or cunning.  Instead, they lie for the sake of lying.  

I know why I lie and when it started.  Most psychologists will tell you that compulsive liars begin in early childhood as a coping mechanism.  Mine began in early high school. I grew up in an upper middle class family in the South where my father was an executive and my mother stayed at home.  I was academically gifted and was placed in MAGNET schools to cultivate my talent for science and mathematics.  We rode horses and played golf for recreation. Sounds pretty idyllic, doesn’t it?  

As I entered middle school life became much more strained.  My parents were incapable of getting along for any period of time.  My father, who I have come to recognize as a pathological liar, was emotionally abusive to my sister and me.  Without getting into ugly specifics, he would weave horrible and untrue stories about my mother to undermine her credibility and cause tension.  He would lie about me to my mother to cause fights and distractions.  I later learned why.

When I was in high school, I began to see how weird my home life was from other kids.  It wasn’t just that my parents didn’t get along.  Hell, most parents didn’t get along.  It was strange stories that my parents would tell me that, when relayed in casual conversation elicited puzzled looks from my friends or their parents.  I didn’t know how stupid what I was saying was.  I was just saying what I was told.  I sounded like a nut. 

When I turned 16, my father promised me a BMW.  Now, frankly, no 16 year old girl should be given a car like that.  However, no 16-year old girl would turn it down!  He had recently gotten a promotion at work to a very excellent salary, so it didn’t seem all that unrealistic.  We went down to the dealership and I got to pick out my color (dark blue with a tan leather interior).  Two days later, he came into my room with a purchase order that had a delivery date on it.  It was supposed to come right to my house.  He promised that it would arrive, and then asked to borrow $300.  I had just gotten my first job and had the cash, so of course I didn’t mind.  He left and told me not to tell anyone at school about the car.

Telling a 16-year old girl not to share a juicy tidbit like getting a sports car is an exercise in futility.  The moment he left the room I was on the phone with my best friend telling her all about the car.  The next day, everyone at school knew and I walked around beaming… excited that in just a few weeks it would be mine. 

Delivery date came and went. Each day that passed included some new story about why the car wasn’t there, even though it was supposedly paid in full.  First, they sent the wrong color.  Then, delivery was delayed.  Next, it was damaged coming off the truck.  This continued for about two weeks.  Now that I have purchased several cars, I realize the purchase order I was shown was not a purchase order at all.  It was a homemade-computer generated deception to take $300 off of his teen-aged daughter. Don't misunderstand: I don't blame this incident for my lying.  It just stands out to me as a significant turning point.  

Weird stuff like that happened all the time.  Then I started coming up with lies and excuses as to why everything I said turned out to be crap.  I wasn’t very good at it.  Lack of talent never stopped me though… I kept lying because it was easier than telling the truth.

In June, my father was arrested for multiple counts of fraud.  Turns out I wasn’t the only one he made up fake documents to steal their money.  When he was arrested he didn’t even tell us why.  For weeks my mother thought that he had been falsely arrested stemming from a probation violation. (He had previously been arrested for DUI.)  It wasn’t until July that we found out the real reasons. 

My lying had only started a short while prior.  It was after his arrest and conviction that it got out of control.  I was afraid someone knew.  Hell, it felt like everyone knew.  I felt like everyone knew when they looked at me what I was, what my family was.  It felt like I had the mark of Cain blazed across my forehead and people could size me up the moment they saw me.  I started lying, constantly. 

My family was still strained.  My mother married my paternal uncle.  Now years later I see their marriage as a good thing, however at the time I felt like Hamlet and saw my uncle as the devious, dastardly usurper of our family.  My sister had a nervous breakdown from which she still hasn’t recovered.  Me?  I rebelled.  When they all moved to another state, I stayed behind.  I tried to support myself… largely by lying.

It was easy to justify at first.  They were white lies.  They weren’t hurting anyone.  It wasn’t any of their business anyway.  If stories made me happier and made me feel more comfortable, why not?  Then, I got into sales.  That was the breeding ground where inclination for lying was cultivated.  Lying was the job.  My favorite justification:  everybody does it. 

Since then I have gotten myself in a lot of trouble.  I was in and out of a bad relationship with someone who was probably pathological.  (His lies were always self-serving.)  I married someone I didn’t even like because I felt like he was some kind of alibi for the lousy, rotten human being I had become.  (He was a preacher at a church… and a damned good liar too.)  I’ve been bankrupt.  I’ve had more jobs than I care to remember.  I’ve never been fired… I’ve always had the good sense to leave before my lies were exposed.  (I almost overstayed my welcome… once.  That’s another humiliating story I will spare myself from ever telling.)

Somehow, in all the mess I’ve made, a few good things have happened.  I met and married a good man.  He is probably the only person on Earth I have allowed to see the ‘real’ me in nearly a decade.  I’ve made it through college and halfway through a Master’s degree.  Hopefully in the next few weeks the job I have been pursuing will make me an offer.

I need to stop.  I don’t have any real friends because I don’t even give people the opportunity.  What started off as a defense mechanism has become a habit it doesn’t feel like I can control.  I still feel like people know all the ugly truths of my past when they meet me.  I am so uncomfortable in my own skin that I simply start blabbering when I start talking to someone.  I just can’t stop. 

It breaks my heart to say this.  I don’t want to be a liar.  I get nothing out of it, except broken friendships and hurt feelings.  I believe I am a good person.  I would never do anything I thought would hurt someone I cared about.  Hell, I go out of my way to not hurt people I dislike.  Yet this habit, this compulsion, has done just that.  It overshadows all of my good qualities and turns me into a liar… an ugly, rotten, no good liar. 

LyingGirl LyingGirl
32 Responses Jul 20, 2009

I can relate to this i used to do this myself to cope and it only went out of control and took over my life. The worst part was the fear of one of my friends bumping into someone i knew and uncovering the truth. That made me feel sick to the stomach! One day i thought to myself enough is enough. I thought that if i stopped lying that i would no longer feel this stress and fear. Soon after i came out to my two good friends, they were hurt and confused, but they listened and understood, one went to the extreme of getting me help. I was also battling an eating dissorder and she helped me through that too. She said that she didnt understand why i lied or felt i had to lie. Sge told me that i was one of the most caring, happy person she knew and didnt need to fabricate my life story to make people like me. Now ive started a fresh, i actually work as a nurse in the same work place as my sister, its like it has almost trained me to not lie cause if i did my sister would know. I literally never lie anymore and i feel liberated. I no longer have an eating disorder and i no longer feel bad about who i am. My boyfriend knows everything snd it proved to me that i am worth something and i am lucky i have friends and family who understand.

I'm pretty sure I'm a pathological liar. I've made up horrible lies to my friends and ex boyfriends because I wanted to control their behaviour, make them do or say things that they. I don't even know why, I just do.

damn i think this post gave my life new meaning. you know we all dont start life this way and its the environment we grow up in that makes us this way. i read your story and i feel. i never thought others could see me as ugly, rotten, no good liar. at first i did because damn as a kid i scarred pretty bad as a kid. emotionally scarred. after reading this i am in full realization what has been wrong with me my whole life... why i never could keep friends...why i didn't get close....and if i did i hung out with the wrong people...i hung out with people like me liars.. and we just kinda stuck it out until everyone sorta drifted apart...thats why i change my jobs to much...always did i know in the back of my head i was like this and now i am glad i can finally admit that this is who i am....and i can be different...not right away of of course but it is something i will better achieve ....not to be this way....not to engrossed in the lies i've created and live better ...live more free....live truthfully. keep living...

thank you for posting this. thank you. i didnt have anywhere else to turn to and i am grateful to have been able to read this.

MY GF is the same except she will not admit it

The first step is to recognize that this is a problem and not to label yourself as a liar. This is a behaviour that can be changed over time and lots of hard work. It's the worst feeling in the world when you discover that this is a problem because it roots from other problems. Whether it's insecurities, attention seeking behaviour, an escape, or a means of manuipulation. Stay strong- You made the first and hardest step by admitting it.

The first step is to recognize that this is a problem and not to label yourself as a liar. This is a behaviour that can be changed over time and lots of hard work. It's the worst feeling in the world when you discover that this is a problem because it roots from other problems. Whether it's insecurities, attention seeking behaviour, an escape, or a means of manuipulation. Stay strong- You made the first and hardest step by admitting it.

I too did a Google search today. I was initially surprised because my search was "how to overcome habitual lying". I didn't actually have to add the word lying because it was already there, so it had been the subject of searching before. I was surprised to see all the links and how much of a problem lying is to so many people. Today was the day that I spoke my problem out loud and wrote it down. I've known it. I've recognized the consequences of it. But now I've voiced it and somehow it's different because I have. I am a liar. Habitually. Compulsively. It is my first response to any stress, confrontation or negativity. For me, it started as survival living in a household where both my parents were alcoholics. I used it to get out of trouble. I used lying to boost my life because I felt like a nothing. Of course, the lying only made me feel worse. The lies would build up and I couldn't figure out ways to get out of them. They have taken up so much energy in my life. I also felt and would actually think, "No one really knows me and if they did they would hate me."
I married a very good man. I have 5 children who are good people. And they all love me. I never felt worthy of that love, so not only would I lie, but I ate compulsively. (I have siblings who abuse substances). So my lying stopped being survival and went into compulsive. I am a good person who lies. Recently, I have been working hard on changing the way my brain is wired. I have stinkin' thinkin' wired in. It's my go to response, my reflex. Today, I told the Lord that I recognize this. That it's destructive. Then I promised him I would work on it. It caused me great anxiety. I am amazed at how hard it was to say out loud and write down.
I have lost 60 pounds over the last 7 months and have been examining my life and was still avoiding addressing my lying. I think this is a major step in my growth. It took me this long to have the courage to address it.
Thank you everyone for your courage in telling your stories. I could relate to so many of them. And I can't express in words what a feeling of relief it is to know that I am not alone in this struggle. It helps that I believe that God is with me sustaining and supporting me. I believe something that is almost a cliche. With God all things are possible.

Today I googled "am I a compulsive liar", and dear LyingGirl it brought me here. To weather my question was answered or not, I wouldn't know, but I'll thank you because this has opened my eyes. I'll be turning 17 next week, and me and my parents haven't been on the best of terms. Especially with my mother. At first I got away with a few white lies, but lately it's been falling out like drool. I do feel comfortable telling the truth because I'm scared of what people will think of me. So I make something up, not tall tales, just altering to something I see as more fitted.
So I'm only speaking for myself, but I'm gonna try my best before it gets worse. Frist step is acknowledging my current state. Second writing this. Third I'll try by telling the truth right now:
My boyfriend texted me, asking if my parents knew I was at his house today. At first I was trying to think of something to say like "yes they knew I was haha", but stopped and took a minute to think. Instead I wrote "honestly they did not" and that was it. I didn't feel like getting Into all of my reasoning to why I did it. So I sent it and I just got that oozy feeling. He's a good person, and He's very honest with his parents, so I'm scared of what he'd think of me. Never the less this has to Change.
Okay so he wrote back and he didn't make a big deal about it, and didn't even stay on the topic. Maybe because I didn't write much. It's kind of a relief for me though. I don't want him to think of me as a liar. How can you be in a relationship with no trust right? Alright good start, no lying. Perhaps next time I'll avoid lying to my parents to being with.
I'll leave you with this. I hate lying, but it's in every uncontrolled word I say. I hate what I am doing to myself and others.
This helped me somewhat. Maybe it'll help whom ever reads this.


I too know of that desire. That desire to be free from my own untruths. We share something similar in the sense that i don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how things will work or how i will ever change or recover that which i lost.

I do not know how to help you, as i cannot even help myself. But i believe and hope that things will work out for you and you will find the peace you are looking for

Did obama write this one?

Hi I'm 14 and my situation is really diffrent but I get the gist of it I might be a compulsive liar I always lie for no reason I used to think that I lied because I wanted to make people like me and it never hurt anyone but now that I read this I see I lie to hide my family and who I really am. I know my family isn't normal but I will go to extremes to make it look like we are perfectly normal its gotten so bad that now I can't go through a day with out telling at least 3 dozen lies (most of them are incredibly stupid ) especially when I'm at school I don't think that I have any real friends because every time someone's ever wanted to come to my house I've always just made up some excuse why they can't and most of the time I just suck at lying and I loose track of all my lies and end up getting caught that's why I loose friends I feel so isolated there's no one that really knows me and I realize this now I just have to stop its hard I just wish I never started lying but thank you you made me realize how much I really need to stop.

I don't want to minimize what has gone wrong in your life, but everyone has habits that have the potential to ruin their lives. You are human. All you can do is forgive yourself every second of every minute of every day of your life. When you tell a lie and you know it, first forgive yourself then correct what you said apologizing for not getting it right the first time. If it takes a day or a week or a year to recognize your fault, apologize then, even if it's in an email or text form or just a prayer to God. People will forgive you if they are worth being in your life, God has already forgiven you (before you asked), and you just need to accept forgiveness for yourself. Practice accepting this forgiveness by saying thank you. I personally believe that Jesus loved me enough to die for me, so my sins have been forgiven whether I accept it or not. If Jesus loves me in spite of everything, maybe I can let go of my failings and look to his love for my self-esteem. Regardless of what kind of spirituality you have, you won't be able to improve until you quit focusing on your guilt and your unworthiness. You are worthy of love, forgiveness, and a new life. No matter how many times you get it wrong, each day you have a chance to get it right. Focus on each time you've gotten it right (like this post). No one can do anything perfectly and no one can remember everything correctly so practice saying, "i dont know" or "to the best of my knowledge, it happened this way," or "i dont want to discuss that." You have the right to your privacy, your own truth, and to choose who you want to share things with. Nothing is ever perfect, but if you've given it your best shot every day, call that good! That's all anyone can do in their lives. Good job for writing this post! Keep up the good work :-) I'll be praying for you!

Here is where my deficit becomes my issues! Over-analyzing everything to death, I have stated this fact for a reason!
Not more than a paragraph did I wonder if "Lying Girl" was telling the truth or weaving a story! I do not say this to hurt, I only want to protect myself from deceit (sp). If you are indeed telling the truth, then your motivation for stopping the lies could be the idea that you dislike being lied to yourself! Do unto others!" Also, not to give you a reason to continue lying but it is more likely that very few people suspect you are not living the truth unless you are attempting to set yourself up for failure!
I also think the reason you might want to stop lying is because you have decided you are indeed worth being genuine. I do assume that you started to lie for survival sake which must have been so utterly confusing to know your dad was lying to you and parents, although not inherently perfect, should be the people you can count on to tell you the truth...always! You may not yet trust yourself, but give yourself the space to tell the truth and celebrate yourself whenever you do tell the truth!
I remember hearing the cliche' from so many people that, "the abused become abusers" but I know many people who have decided to break the pattern of abuse either by electing to not have children to abuse or by keeping a very tight rein on their behavior and make a promise to God that you will not repeat that pattern!
You communicate like a very intelligent girl and you can do anything you put your mind to, honestly!
Good Luck,

My mom has several mental illnesses that made her very vulnerable to the outside world. As a result of her illnesses she would use me(age 9) and my sister(age 7) as a counselor and would unload every adult problem she was experiencing as we'll as all of the dirty little secrets my dad has. This made me want to be the exact opposite of her. I started lying to hide my failures and my vulnerability, and I have become so good at it that I lie compulsively as we'll as pathologically. 9 years later(age 18) I just failed all of my college courses of my first semester and lied about it all the way to the end. I have hurt my family, that has put so much time and money into me, because of my fear of being seen as a failure. Now I realize that I did fail, i failed myself. I became weak and small and stupid. When my dad pointed this out, I really wanted to beat the hell out of myself. I've made the decision to never lie again, unless its life or death, to my family and the people that I care about, could give two ***** about others. Please remember, lying in the end takes 1000000x the effort truth takes in the end. I had to take the hard path to learn this lesson, dragging my feet through the mud the whole way. Also, remember that just as much as you hate being lied to, don't put others through it, it's never to late to right the wrong.

You have admitted the most difficult aspect of you to the public. Now get professional help: a therapist, support group and family therapist.

I have read your story & I believe every word you said.. You appear as though you are on the road to recovery. Thank you for your truth; there is no judgment here. God bless. Nai :)

I have only just really admitted to myself that I have a problem, I think it might be to do with my parents divorce. My Mum had an affair and I knew about it, it was with my Dad's best friend. I kept their secret and felt a part of the betrayal. <br />
Eventually a year after I found out, my parents were getting a divorce and my Mum wrote a list of 'unreasonable behavior' of all the reason's it was my Dad's fault. <br />
It was at this point I told him the truth that I knew they had been together for the last year. <br />
I feel I was so used to lying that it has changed me mentally, I am scared I might not go back. Now I lie about things, with no reason to. <br />
I have told my Dad in a message, he is the only person I have told about my problem. I am scared I will lose my friends and family, but cannot deal with the guilt anymore. I feel like I am losing my mind and do not know what to do. Please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I hate myself and want to change.

I think your compulsive lying started before the car incident. I don't think that would have triggered it, but that's just my opinion. Infact when i read it i thought ''''''Gee i think this girl told people she was getting it and grew nervous when the 'due date' for the car was coming and made her own excuses..'''''' maybe repressed thinking has you thinking it was the story you told... And i have known a compulsive liar for years and trust me your family, your close friends, and people who are around you alot know you are one. The most awkward thing to do is confront a compulsive liar, thats why many don't, certain people might but most won't. I got adapt to humoring my friends lies until one day i snapped and thought to myself ''Ok everything about this ''friendship'' is wrong. I can't trust her, heck i got enemies i trust more. And it's not getting better, i dont see her getting any help or improving and i made a date when i would stop being her friend (Her baby shower was coming up soon and i couldn't just not go so i waited til after and then i ended it.) Your best bet is to go to therapy, im telling you.

my father and mother are both pathological liars, probably my father more so than my mother (she just has a selective memory)...I remember this confused me a lot when I was young, because they would both tell stories about the other, always negative, but not always true.

I am a compulsive liar....I usually lied to people I didn't know very well, because my stories could be more interesting then. Recently i started lying to my family, even my mother, who I love dearly....and I have come to realize how my lying can ruin my life. It started out as little lies about work, school, friends, or what so-and-so said, and now its becoming more and more complex....and i hate it. I feel so guilty. And I think realizing the problem is a huge step towards fixing it. I've tried quitting cold turkey....but something always finds a way to set me off again. I am seeking professional help, however I may not be able to afford it because I'm a college student with very little extra time and money. Seeing that I'm not the only one with a problem, is somewhat a comfort, I feel less isolated and alone....I wish everyone with this problem could find a way to stop it.

I am Fourteen years old, I have been lying since i was six or so. This story really inspired me, i need help. No one knows the "real" me, my life to everyone is a giant lie. I tell my friends the most random things to make them find my life more interesting. To my friends, I do ballet, do dance, figure skate, and take voice lessons. I hate that i lie. I can't help it, it just rolls of the tongue like nothing weird. It comes so easy for me, every phone call scares me so much, i feel my friends might mention something to my parents sometime, and i will just fall into my giant hole of lies i have doug for years. The worst thing is, is that these lies are pointless usually and they don't benefit me the least. HELP?

Your story has insipred me so much, thankyou. I am in college now and my lies have really destroyed much of that expirence, but I know that I am not alone now. And that is very freeing. Thank you.

Jules- I don't think you were being negative! I am sorry if it came off like I did. I value your comments and think you were being genuine. I took exception to the comment made by StyleCode. I took it as disingenuous and don't believe it added anything to the conversation.<br />
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I do disagree with you on one point, however. I believe there is great value in looking back and understanding why we do what we do. How did we get to this point? Why? Now, it can be a slippery slope if we start to accept that as some sort of cosmic permission slip to continue lying... I also think it is important to for us to forgive ourselves. Feeling bad about the past doesn't change it. Allowing others to exploit our weaknesses and guilt doesn't change our past. I will get around to forgiving myself one day, keeping things in context and not requiring perfection of myself. (I'll let you know when I actually accomplish this... ;) ) We are all human... we all have battle scars, wounds, baggage... and none of us get out alive. At least we are trying to evolve. <br />
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I apologize if it sounded like I thought you were being negative. I don't at all. =)

I understand and was not trying to be disrespectful.. I know most have us starting our deceit at a young age to hide something.. it just follows you and you end up looking back at life and it is full of broken things. Promises, committments, relationships and hearts. I wish I could live my life over because I really am not a bad person, I am actually pretty funny and laugh a lot. I just keep everyone from getting too close and seeing inside. Kudos to everyone seeking change and my heart rejoices at hearing about young folks wanting to change. I can only promise you, you will not be sorry... SO I suggest with an open heart that looking at the reasons why we develop these "tendencies" become less important ; we can't see ourselves as victims of our past. it is a way of rationilizing our actions and forgiving ourselves ( I have done unforgivable things) but to start today! and try to be a better person . We also need to feel safe being ourselves online here and I am sorry if I sounded negative

Thank you fanta. Your sister's experience sounds so much like mine. When I started lying, I had a reason. I was trying to cover and hide things. Now, I lie for no reason. It is almost always over stupid things... like what I did last weekend... or I make up a story that has no bearing on anything.<br />
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For the past 3 days I am without a lie. I started to lie last night to my husband. He knows about this site and what I am doing and when he asked about it, I started in on some story that didn't really happen. I had to stop, backtrack, apologize and then just tell the truth. I don't even know why I was starting to lie... the story I started telling was stupid and kinda boring... (Although I am a liar, I am not a particularly good one... lol...) Thankfully, he is very supportive and understanding. We come from similar backgrounds, and although he isn't a liar he has his own 'battle scars' to deal with.

Jules- I see your perspective... I could see some skepticism from someone however I find it quite offensive that someone who is not even in this group would post a troll-like comment. I do not believe his comment was genuine skepticism. I believe it was someone feeling like being a smart-***. (Take a look at the profile.) <br />
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We all should know in this group that we might not be getting the truth. Heck, all internet users should probably take what they read with a grain of salt... however with that critical thinking someone needs to balance it with some humanity. Sure, I might be lying. For all you know- I could be a child who thinks this is entertaining. However, if I am not lying then the comments are cruel and are kicking someone who is trying to overcome a real problem. <br />
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I don't see the purpose to lying in this group. It seems counterproductive to me. I am a compulsive liar, not a pathological one. If I just wanted to continue lying, I would. I am here because I don't want that.

Fellow liars probably all have a degree of self loathing... and trying to figure out why is not as important as "now what"? You know the old ex<x>pression "you can't kid a kidder".... We are all good at trying to clean up our messes, avoid people we have screwed, and not thinking about what we have done to others. Looking forward to change only really matters if a deep intention and I think perhaps the comments were made because we all know that manipulation is an easy way to avoid consequences.

running away = this is how to avoid the consequences of lying when you get caught. running away happens in many different ways - drugs, alcohol, moving around, leaving the person you've harmed with your lies. It gets worse the more you lie -- so do something about it. I recommend listening to dharma talks (buddhist teachings) on Right Speech. it is not just about lying but about the importance of not causing harm with our words. you can find some great talks here, for free: audiodharma.org

I don't see how your comment is at all helpful. How do you know anything you read is true? Do you have a truth-meter plug-in for your browser? The internet, blogs, message boards, confessionals, etc are pretty well recognized to contain a whole bunch of lies and exaggerations. (Heck- the New York Times is pretty well known for that too...) How do I know that you really like defecating in your bathing suit? Or being urinated on? (Nice profile... btw... )Thankfully, since it in no way affects the reader personally most people take things at a face value with the knowledge they might actually be talking to a 12 year old kid in Hong Kong.<br />
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Look, I'm trying to improve things in my life by talking to people who are similarly situated. I have not lied or exaggerated one bit. Sadly, it took quite a few revisions to be certain to not include anything untrue. <br />
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I don't really care if you believe me or not. That is not important to me or my getting over this. However, there are some people who that would be particularly crushing to. I don't think anyone can read what I wrote and not realize that the person who wrote it is very upset and 'down.' I can't read it back without tearing up... and I am not one who is prone to crying. Kicking someone when they are down and reaching out for help and support is pretty low. I'm not really sure why you felt it necessary to throw out a barb or act like a troll... but maybe they have a group for that too...

Question... (A thought for the rest of us)<br />
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How do we know the OP ain't lying now? She said she's compulsive liar. She even says "I lie, constantly, with no goal or purpose in mind. I lie for the sake of lying. I lie to not tell the truth."

Thank you both for your positive responses. No, I have not sought our psychological counseling. I truly believe that would be something that would be helpful to me; however I have serious concerns about privacy in seeking out help for this. I know medical treatment is supposed to be private, but that is not always the case. As more records become available through the internet to providers, I worry that could come back later to me. I work in a field... and carry a license... that if this was to be exposed would really ruin my career. Even the slightest chance my privacy could be compromised in this matter is not something I am willing to chance. Thus, at the moment I am trying to go it alone. I've been reading just about anything I can get on the topic and find most of it to be sanctimonious garbage... but there are a few ethics books that are helping.<br />
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theonlypie- Good luck with confronting your father. I've been there... My father won't take responsibility for anything in his own life... he certainly wouldn't for anything in mine. You are right. It is your fault. It is mine too. But, at the same time, it is a coping mechanism that we to learned to survive. When times change that mechanism just doesn't work anymore. Remember to keep it in context before you get too tough on yourself. I am certainly nowhere near being through this fight yet, but if I had to give any advice to anyone in this situation it is to sever negative relationships. People like my father, and maybe yours too, make us so insecure and uncomfortable that it is impossible to overcome this. <br />
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Brittney- Thank you so much for your kind reply. I also have great admiration and respect for you in your acceptance and attempts to overcome this compulsion we both have. Feel free to message me whenever.

ya know it takes a real person to tell the truth about lying,and admitting their problem, and just to let you know, i am a pathological liar, and am not scared to admit it, and it is hard to stop after doing it for so long,, but i just wanted to tell you i really think you are a awesome person, for sharing this with everyone

Wow, I must say I admire you for telling us everything. I think you may have felt the need to cover up what your father did and that grew into lies. I know what that is like. My dad was an alcoholic and I oftened covered up that he was and that I was a more interesting person. It was easier that way and I severed a lot because of it. I'm in a rut because of it now. I don't have a job because I fooled around too much and didn't face the truth. I would say see a doctor about it but it sounds like you may have. I to am a compulsive liar when it comes to relationships because I do not want anyone to be disappointed in me. Especally my parents. I am coming to face up to all the ugly truths I've hidden over the years and I am going to face my father tonight about how I feel even though he will disregard it as my own fault which it probably is. I'm trying to have the life I want but it's hard now because no one believes what I am doing anymore. I think you need to do the same and face the truth of everything one step at a time.