Compulsive lying: The Domino Effect.

Due to numberous reasons, the need for control in my life was overwhelming, and unfortunately, I resorted to obsessing over my weight. It was around that time I started to lie: telling my parents I'd eaten when I hadn't, time and time again, until eventually I had turned deathly anorexic. 

I was forced to go to therapy. Of course then I had to make excuses for why I was visiting the doctor all the time. I didn't want my friends to worry. so lying was the comfortable alternative to divulging problems that embarassed me. Eventually, my eating disorder was cured: physically, at least.  

I continued to lie.

Carrying on for a few years as such, I became so adept at avoiding the truth, I could even lie to myself. It became habit for avoiding certain situations, weedling a deadline extension for my coursework, livening up conversation. Second nature. I hardly noticed I did it.

It progressed to a point where I had created an entirely new history for myself, background, details, memories, everything. Even an alternate personality. I somehow convinced myself that it was real.

What's ironic is that I've always wanted to be an actress.

It was only when I read an article on the internet about compulsive lying that I realised what I was doing. The symptoms were too eerily similar. I was horrified. To think that I was destroying my friendships unawares, when I love them so much.

That was about a month or so ago. I haven't told anyone yet, and don't know If I plan too until I'm 100% better. It will destroy them, I know, but not admitting it is just another lie to add to the pile.

The outlook is positive at the moment at least. I'm now aware of when I have lied (the damage is extensive), and am training myself out of the habit. If something slips out by accident, I will try and recify it by saying 'that's not right...' and starting again.

It's not a part of my past that I'm proud of, but If you can overcome it, personally, I reckon it makes you that much stronger. I plan to seize the chance to start anew in my first year of university: maybe persue a career in acting? heh

Wish me luck :D (wow, I feel better now, and there was no need to fork out cash for a therapist, score.)

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1 Response Jul 23, 2009

Your story sounds a lot like mine. How are you coping now?<br />
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I'm sure it's a slow process but we're all going to get through this and be better people for it.<br />
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Each story I read on here I see a little bit more of what I'm actually doing and realising that I've told more and more lies when before I didn't even notice. And, like you, started to believe them myself. Now I'm left feeling so confused it's like I don't even know who I am anymore.<br />
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Just know that there are people out there who are struggling with the exact same thing as you.<br />
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I'll keep my fingers crossed for us all!