A Good Thing, For Me

I pick the skin around my thumb nails. No where else, although I've always had a desire to cut the palm of my hands open.

I don't remember when it started or why I did it the first time or even how I thought of doing it.

I used to suck my arm as a kid but, I think, I was told that if I continued I would damage my arm so one day I walked into my parents bedroom and told my mum I would never suck my arm again and I never have.

I don't think it started directly after that because I was quite young when that happened.

But I suppose it doesn't really matter when it started, just the fact that it did.

One thing I think is different between other skin pickers and myself is that I don't want to stop. I only pick the skin on my thumbs, I never even think about doing it anywhere else and I like the feeling when I do it.

It's stress relief. The best stress relief I've ever come across.

Although I did stop for quite a long time once. I think it must have been more than two years. One day I suddenly realized how long it had been and thought, just once more to remind me of how it felt. And away I went again. But the reason I stopped in the first place was because of everyone telling me to stop. Not once did I think of stopping when I was on my own. I did it to please everyone else. Thinking back on it, I think when I stopped was the time I became really really depressed, the closest I've ever been to killing myself.

So to me skin picking isn't a bad thing, it's a good thing. I'm not harming anyone else, it doesn't take up large amounts of my time, it's not a huge area and I always keep it clean and infection free afterwards. So I honestly don't see the problem.

However about a week ago I accidentally picked part of my nail away while picking the skin. I kept picking at the nail and now I have about a quarter of my nail missing at the base...

At first I was scared that my nail would come off or something, but the more I think about it the more I want my nail to come off...

These are troubling thoughts, I know.

I will try to leave it alone and be more careful next time about only picking the skin. You live and learn.

UnseenBlossom UnseenBlossom
18-21, F
Mar 17, 2009