The Scars On My Face

My work as a Conflict Photographer, is something I will never be able to hide in my lifetime, everyday that I wake up I am reminded of what my chosen profession is when I look in the mirror, I have a scar on my face that starts just above one of my eyebrows, and runs down my face under my jaw, its not hideous, but is definatly prominent enough that I get asked about it once in a while, so I never escape my past.
I have them all over my body, I consider them to be a road map to the adventures of my life, and again, I lived to tell the stories, many didnt, many were my friends.
This can be a strange business to make a living at, everytime I say, this is it, this is the last time I am going to cover this type of thing, I get drawn back to it, its like a fear that I will miss out on a piece of history, its an addiction.
I thought the last time I was wounded, that was going to be it, I was hit in my calf muscle by a shell fragment that severed the muscle completely in half, not all of them, but one that runs from the back of my knee to the tendon at the back of my foot, still recovering from that one.
The biggest drawback, other than the possibility of never coming home is the inability to sleep well at night, I have been diagnosed with PTSD big shock!, so I am hyper aware of my surroundings, 24-7, I can hear things in the middle of the night and be out of bed and outside my house before my wife has even been able to process that something was up.
I have to be very Carefull as a result because I react so quickly to things that I encounter as a threat in social environments that I can cause a great deal of mayhem very quickly, and given my background, it takes a lot to scare me enough to back off.
All and All, other than the sleeping issue I remain a very happy and pretty normal person
when Im not someplace half the people are attempting to kill me, and EP is a wonderful escape for me
finnigan1 finnigan1
51-55, M
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

Thank you for the kind comments on my story, I really do feel fortunate to do the work that I have a passion for, its not always pretty, and I have been fortunate to still be around this long to keep doing it, I have known many fellow journalist and soldiers who have not been as lucky.
I know in the back of my mind that eventually, I could very well join them, but this is the life O have chosen, and it has been an adventure filled life, sometimes filled with madness, other times, awe inspiring beauty.
I have been witness to some of the most historic moments in time, and far to many little moments that are nothing more than a fleeting moment of disaster and chaos that mean nothing to anyone but those who suffered thru them.
Fortunately not everything in my career has involved strictly covering disasters and conflict, so not all of my dreams are filled with ugliness and suffering, I have had the privilege of experiencing many very cool things, you would be amazed what people will let you do when you have a camera and a press credential.
I plan to share some more of my experiences, for me, it is sort of slow motion therapy, and to be honest, if some of my employers had a clue to the adverse emotional effects some of the things I have witnessed have had on me, I would never see another day in the field covering a conflict or diasters, they wouldn't want to run the risk any longer of having a journalist end up in a padded room.
Fortunately, I deal with pretty much everything very well, sleeping is my biggest problem, I just can't turn off my mind.
Thank you all for the interest in my stories and kind words.

Thank you for the compliment, I at times feel like I am a witness to the most twisted moments in history, not always feel good moments, but I do believe the world deserves to have the chance to see the reality's and true cost of the decisions made in acts of aggression toward each other, good or bad.
There always is a human toll, sometimes those who have the least stake pay the highest price.