I Just Dont Have A Clue....I think I'm gay. I'm 15 but 16 next month. No one knows I'm gay, and my mind is completely messed up.
It's mainly this one guy who's doing this. He's my best mate, and I think I'm his, but I just don't know. He's recently got a girlfriend, and she's really nice and everything and I'm happy for them, but we've just spoken so much less. I've organised a revision session with my teacher this week just to see him, because whenever I ask him to meet up he just says some really bullshit excuse, and I think he's actually seeing his girlfriend and he doesn't want to look like he's selling me out. I dont know if I fancy him or not either. He's definitely not gay, so theres no point even trying, but I obviously cant help it if I like him like that.
We used to text each other literally every day, but now I'm lucky to have one good text conversation with him a week. I don't want to text him in case he finds me annoying, because I'd hate to drive him any further away. I'm hoping that over the summer some time we both get really drunk, and then I'll come out to him I think, just to show him how much I trust him.
But I think I might end up pushing him away before we get to that, just to do it before he does. This is basically coming from someone I was really good friends with, but then he changed a lot and we just never talk now. I would hate this to happen again, but I would rather be the person who stops talking rather than the other way round, if that makes sense.
I'm just bothered that he's going to get new friends and forget about me. It probably seems stupid but it has happened before.
What should I do about this guy - should I just tell him everything, so that our friendship hopefully doesnt deteriorate, or should I just not mention anything and hope that all of this is just in my mind? I'm really sorry if this makes no sense at all, or if I seem like I'm getting worked up over nothing, but I just don't know at the moment :(