I Am A Convicted Felon

I was recently convicted of a white collar crime and now carry the title of "felon". I sometimes look back on what I did and wonder "what was I thinking" I reflect on all of the reasons and where my head was at then, but the simple fact remains,there are no good reasons and there never will be. I know that most people would not have done what I did and that there is something in me that was dishonest enough and deceitful enough to break the law and I never want to be that person again. There is nothing that will make the remorse and regret for what I did and the people that I hurt go away and I know it is something that I will live with until the day I die...that is a fact.

On the day of my sentencing, I stood before the judge and told him that whatever he decided for my punishment, I would accept because he knew better than I did of what was right and just.. I promised him that I would fulfill my obligation to the best of my ability, whatever he decided my fate was and I meant it. I simply poured my heart out in open court about the things that I have learned and my openness and willingness to continue to learn because I didn't have all the answers, not by a long shot. The only thing that I could promise him was that I was going to do whatever it takes to get my life back and to always do what is right in any situation and I meant that too. He sentenced me to five years of probation and restitution. He told me that he believed that he would never see me again in his courtroom and I will prove him right!

I have a job that I had before I knew that I would be charged as there were alot of circumstances and people involved with my crime. I was honest with my employer about what was going to happen and I knew that they had every right to let me go. Thankfully, they stood by me and even wrote a letter to the judge before sentencing on my behalf. What I have learned is that there are people out there who are willing to give others a chance if you are honest about what you have done and the changes you have made. It also helps that I work in the counseling field so my life experience can be used to help others.

I still have some days that I feel like a second class citizen probably because that is how most of society views me. One day I found myself in the line at the post office envying the workers there because I knew they could pass a criminal background check and I could not. I will forever carry my lack of honesty and integrity with me and I feel exposed because the worst of who I am is out there for all to see. In these moments I try to remind myself that I made a mistake and although it is a part of me, it is not all of me. My crime just highlights the changes that I need to make in my life in order to become the person that I most want to be.

AEH66 AEH66
41-45
1 Response May 18, 2012

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