My Story As A Crossdresser

Well, I am sort of crossdresser. I recently started doing it regularly. I was always "confused" about my sexuality when I was young, I wasn't attracted to men BUT I felt feminine. After thinking I was metro-sexual for a few months, then discovering that it wasn't for me...I'm extremely off topic. Please forgive me. Okay, well I'm the youngest member in my family and all of my brothers are adults (like, one's in his thirties) ANYWAY. Him, his girlfriend, and my nephew were living with us for the summer. They kept their clothes in my room and eventually one night it dawned on me "go try on some of her clothes" I can't remember what convinced me to do this. But I would wear my brothers girlfriends clothes, then take pictures of myself in them with a phone that did nothing BUT take pictures. At the time, I didn't know why I was enjoying doing it but I was. Months later, they got a house and took their clothes with them. I was without anything to wear when I was really enjoying myself. So eventually I "borrowed" some of my mothers lipstick that she never uses, and a hand mirror. when no one was in the house I put some on, looked at myself in the mirror, then wiped it off. after doing this, and keeping the materials in a shoebox under my bed. I became VERY skittish in school. I would arrive home afraid that my family would be arranged in an intervention type scenario. After a month or so I woke up one night, picked up the shoebox and threw it in the trash, I couldn't take the stress. Now here we are 2 years later, I'm 2 years older (I'm 13, yes i DID lie about my age, I needed someone to tell, please don't ban me ;_;) and 2 years more mature. My other brother got another girlfriend and the...cravings started. she left my brother but her clothes are still at our house, so when my brother's at work I dress up in her clothes. (She's an erotic dancer so I have some...options, in clothes.) My mother doesn't have a job (she's on disability cause of her age and a heart attack) so I recently started cross dressing AGAIN this time now with a slightly more mature mind, I decided to learn what the heck I am. I sought out dictionary's, the internet, ect. Now I knew what a crossdresser was, but it never dawned on me that it's what I was doing. I was in school one day, finished with all of my work, looking up words in the dictionary and I came across the word "transvestite" I wrote the definition down on a piece of paper then took it with me to my computer back at home. After some google-ing, I found out that A LOT of crossdressers are straight. Which I did not know. After a big relief I noticed that I still had challenges to face. I told my 2 best friends about my discovery first, they didn't really care, one thought I was a drag queen after I told him that I wore make-up and we had a lengthy discussion (THAT I WON.) Then I told my other friends: not my best friends but the people I occasionally talk to, they didn't care. Then I noticed that telling them is basically useless. Then we get to today and my current "goal": How do i tell my mother? Let me get a few things out of the way. as far as i know, I'm not homosexual, it's cool if you are, some of my favorite people in life are gay, but I don't like getting confused for something that I'm not. So, I'm hoping that my mother will be understanding and at least let me crossdress within the confines of my room without near giving me a panic attack. Or questioning my sexuality, I'm 99.99 percent sure that I'm straight, I'm...aroused by women. That's aside the point. I just want to know how I should tell my mother when I work up the guts to. I've thought about just kinda mentioning it while walking out the door to go to school, but I'm not sure if that would be the best approach. I've also thought about telling her the way I've told all of my friends
"did you know there are straight crossdressers?" I ask them
more often than not they reply with "no"
then I say "well there are, *hint hint*"
then they look at me weirdly, then usually accept. I just don't want an awkward conversation between my mother and I. Nor do I want her to send me to one of those reprogramming places. Or even worse: disown me, I HIGHLY doubt she'll do either of those things, but there is a chance. Before you make an opinion about her. I should probably "introduce" her. She is a heavy-set woman, but with a very kind heart, she is in her fifties and openly admitted to me that i was an accident, which never really bothered me. ALSO, my father passed away recently (R.I.P Brett Trahan) but I wasn't really bothered by it. They divorced before I could speak. I hung out with him over in Louisiana one month out of the summer, but he was never much of a father figure. I loved him all the same. I kinda blame having an over-bearing mother, and no father for my feminine personality, but that may just be me making up excuses. I guess the whole point was to share my back story with someone that i have a feeling would understand me. also, how do I tell my mother? please be understanding and I know i have poor writing skills. I would also like to apologize for the extremely long essay, I just have a lot on my mind that I've been wanting to share

best wishes,
Delmari Delmari
6 Responses Nov 27, 2012

just give her these 3 words... Gender Identity Disorder... thats pretty much the main reason most people crossdress and that in itself is predevelopment to being transexual for some others.. good luck

You not alone in this crossdressing world. To pick one out in public. You would have a better chance in identfying a CIA agent.

For alot of us . Its a secret that is very well kept because alot is at stake when you have a wife and kids.

Don't think joining the military or getting married will suppress this. It will only be a temporary distraction.

It wouls be wonderful to share with your mother. .As mothers tend to Love her children no matter what.

If she understands how much this means to you and it will be yours and her secret. She may not be please yet grateful it nothsomething worse as drugs or such.

Good luck and you can always shre here...Angie..;-)

<p>Delmari, I would suggest an approach similar to... "Mom, I need some help and understanding from you. I have a strong urge to dress and act like a female but, at the same time, I am only attraced to females. I would like to explore these feelings while at home, could you help me out and allow me to dress when I am in my room?"<br />
The conversation should continue from there. It appears that you have done the research to be able to provide your Mom with lots of information about cross dressers and you should have some of that at hand for her to read. <br />
This is best done as early in your life as possible, waiting only makes it more difficult. Best of luck to you and let me know what happens.</p>

When I placed my responce I had not yet read the other responces.
Others may disagree with me, but I think crossdressing is something very private between you and your soul.
It maybe very hard for others to look at and understand. I have many family and friends who know about my crossdressing and accept me for who I am. I can't think of one of them who could handel seeing me crossdressed.
I see it as a big mistake to look for acceptance from your mother by dressing for her. Seeing it maybe too big of a shock. Just knowing you do it is something much easier to accept than seeing it. If she accepts it and would like to see how you look, that's a different story. My mother knew what I did behind closed doors. I owned feminine clothes that I didn't leave in plain sight, but also didn't hide. We never talked about it and I was always close to my mother. My only regret is after being a crossdresser for over 50 years I have become very comfortable about you I am. If my mother was still alive today I think I would want to know her thoughts on it.
I know she is in heaven looking down on me and seeing me wearing some of her clothes she left behind. I charish them and feel her presence when I wear them. "Love You Mom!"

Delmari, All the responses are great, but I like Silkydrawers the. Leaving a pair of panties laying around on your bed or in your draw where you keep your "other" underwear, your mother will begin to wonder and ask you about them, them you can open up to her about your desire to wear woman's clothing. When I was 9 or 10, I remember finding a girdle and asking my mother if I could try it on, she just grinned and said "go ahead". I did try it on and that was the start of my dressing up. I just wish I would have talked with my mother for more about my wanting to dress. Remember, she is your mother, she will always love you whether you are her son or her daughter...Good luck !!! Donna

Welcome! Let me start by telling you. You are not alone! There are 10's of thousands of us out there just like you.
I have been a crossdresser just like you for almost 50 years. I am very straight, I am married with 3 kids and 5 grandkids.
When I was your age I was very confussed. I was extreemly attracted to girls yet I had an uncontrolable desire to emulate them. I tried to make these feeling go away by being as masquline as possible. I always fell victim to my desires to feminize myself when masqulinity became to stressful. Unlike you I had no resorces to help me deal with these desires. I was 22 years old before I first even saw the word transvestite and even much later before the word crossdresser ever started showing up in the mainstreem.
Like you I looked for excusses. I also was a child my mother didn't want to have. She wanted a girl but got me. Sounds like a good reason to be a crossdresser. Maybe true, maybe not. I also wasn't close to my father. Could that have added to it? Who knows
What I'm getting at is, You are a very unique person. In many indian tribes people like us are treated with very high regard. They have a name for it, "Bodosh" These are tribesmen with very strong feminine traits.
Don't ever feel like there is something wrong with you, and don't ever feel your alone. The world is full of men like us. I for one feel we are the lucky one's. To be able to experience and enjoy both sides of the fence makes us more rounded human beings.
As for sharring it with your friends I would be very cautious. They can be very curl and most won't understand. If your desire is to live your life in the feminine persona, then get consoling because it will be a very tough road ahead.
If you are like me and many many others like me who just enjoy the escape. Keep it to yourself. In time you will find someone you can share it with. For me it was the girl I finaly married.
As for your mother. You know her better than I do, so you will have to play that one by ear. If I were you, my approch would be to let her find out for herself. Meaning I would maybe leave something like a pair of panties somewhere where she would find them. If she puts your clothes away. Leave a pair of panties in your drawer. If she's understanding like my mother was, she won't say anything, but she will know. My mother started leaving her old lingerie where I could find it and take it. The rag bag.
If she has a problem with it, then she has time to work out how she is going to discuss it with you. I think this is a better approch than throwing it in her face. When she confronts you, be honest and humble, don't hold back and don't place blame on her or your dad.
Again! Your not alone and you will find many like yourself here on EP.
Enjoy your exploration in life. Being a crossdresser can be a lot of fun! At times you experience some very rewarding situations. I know I have in my 50 plus years of being one.
Good Luck!