Thought I Was Stronger Than This

well i had been mutilation free for awhile would influence me to stay that way, but not so much. all it took  was for me to find one of my blades that i had forgotten about in my old wallet and i just could not resist.  not sure if anyone else is like this but my ocd type attitude only lets me cut in even number. if i cut on my right arm i have to cut equal amount on my left arm. i ended up cutting 8 lines per arm and finally my GF was gettign suspicious of me being in the bathroom for thirty plus minutes. long story short im back to long sleeves even though the temperature here in upstate NY had been in the mid seventies low eighties. i just dont know if i can beat this one. and with cutting comes all my other imperfections/ addiction problems. oh FML. i hate myslef and i mean what the **** kind of sick mind do i have that enjoys the pain and bleeding.
11bramsey 11bramsey
22-25, M
1 Response Jul 19, 2010

First of all, everyone in this group is a little sick and twisted, not just you. Secondly, just because you slipped up does not mean you can't beat this! I know you're going through hell right now. Trust me, I understand exactly how you feel.<br />
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I also know that if you go this alone it will be the hardest thing you've ever done. You need your loved ones around you right now. Does your girlfriend know about your cutting? If she does, then I would ask for her help. Rely on her. Make her the reason you want to stop. If she doesn't know and you can't bring yourself to tell her (which isn't bad or unusual) she can still be your inspiration for quitting, but you need to find someone you can talk to. If you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone face to face, please feel free to message me at any time!<br />
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Stop the Bleeding. Recovery is Possible. Love is the Movement.