I Cut To Punish Myself...

I am full of so much self hatred that this has become the outlet for my rage. For more details on why I hate myself you can check out my stories under "I was bullied" and "I think I'm ugly". I become so depressed and so consumed by all of these horrible memories and I don't particularly like the way I am now. I often think about slicing my wrists and ending it all but part of me does not want to die because I am afraid of death and I don't want to leave my husband. So self harm is the alternative. I often feel bad and sick to my stomach for doing it later but when I am cutting myself it is a release from the pain and I feel like I deserve it for being such a disgusting, pathetic creature. I cut in places no one will notice and as far as I know my husband does not even know I do it. I suppose I will just keep slicing the pain away until there is nothing left.
Onedayacometwillfall Onedayacometwillfall
1 Response Jul 20, 2010

You need to tell someone that your harming yourself. I started about a month ago cutting myself, but i eventually told my friends & my Mom and Dad. It has been six days since i have cut & it felt good to tell people & them not freak out about it. There are other alternatives than cutting yourself. Please tell your husband because he probably cares a great deal about you. I wish I could meet you and give you a hug, because i don't want you to feel like your alone in all this. Stay strong! "hugs"