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I'm a Cutter

Hi. I'm an 18 year old student and I began cutting in grade 9. I grew up in a home where affection was not know. My father didn't like me as much as my brothers, and my mother was disappointed that I was not the daughter she had hoped for. I was a tom-boy and she expressed her disgust for it all the time.
It grade nine I came home crying because of some things that had happened at school and ran to my mother for comfort, I wanted a hug...she screamed at me to get away from her and pushed me away. I felt like my heart broke apart that day. That night I slit my wrists in the bathtub...however I regretted it, jumped out and bandaged myself up.
Since then, when I can't handle this life I cut myself.

I am emotional dead so this is all I really have...
innerdemon innerdemon 16-18 13 Responses Feb 4, 2008

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I have been a cutter for three and a half years. i started out small, and got worse over time. my friend called it graduating. I was scared the first time i used a razor. but i think i was more scared of not being in control. You are not alone, you will never be alone.

Baby your arent alone Im 13 and I USE to slit my wrists its alright stay strong things always get better

You are not alone. I started cutting in 6th grade. I have struggled ever since. But I also havent cut in 14 months, so if you need some help with anything. I'm here (: Stay strong.

I have been cutting for 2 years

I have been a cutter since I was eleven...I am now 32. It is something that goes away and flares up in my life. I understand what you mean about not handling life and cutting can make it better. I am not saying it's right...I just understand....

wow. that's close to my story only i liked the first cut.

i used to be a cutter. i started in 10th grade, when i became pregnant when i was 21 i was forced to stop self harming. and now i don't want to start up again. i did counseling, i strongly recommend for you to open up and tell somebody. you'll find out that there's so many others who are experimenting life very much the same way.

I'm an ex-cutter (I was 13 when I started and 15 when I stopped) and that's how I felt. except my family has never ever encouraged affection...never even seen my parents touch each other. affection...even a hint of it is foreign and uncomfortable to me. I know how you feel :/ I regret it too.

Hi honey,<br />
It's some time since you wrote about this. I am wondering if it is still a problem, and if you have sought help.<br />
You need affaction from your friends especially if you can't get it from your parents. It was a horrible thing your Mother did to you, but it would suggest SHE is the one with a problem, not you. You have to learn to love yourself, as you ARE a very loveable person.<br />
God Bless and Hugs. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

affection is so important!!! love yourself and even though others are not affectionate with you, be affectionate give hugs and kisses and tell the people you love that you love them, and don't be affraid to do it!

Please try to stop cutting honey. It will only leave nasty scars, and remind you later on of what you have been through. I appreciate your difficulties, but you should see a tharapist who can help you with this. Cutting won't actually help, just gives you something else to think about for a while.<br />
BIG HUGS.<br />
Lovingangel.xxx

OMG it's good to hear that you are 18, you can get the hell away from these people. I don't think distance or seperation will stop the cutting, that is something that once you get into is very hard to get out of. Your family has done so much damage.

Being persecuted for who you are is not your fault so, don't treat it like it is. By punishing yourself for their afflictions (the cutting) won't make it better. Sure, it can elliviate some of the pain temporarily, but what happens when it comes back again? <br />
<br />
I'm pretty sure that you're a good person as you are. Although, it is difficult to cope without the affection and kindness that family grants, it can be done. If you have freidns that you can trust then lean on them for a bit until you can deal on your own. Friends can be the support system that people need when things grow to be too hard in the home. Cutting isn't the answer, it's part of the problem.