Why Am I So Scared?

Im not a negative person. Ive always been the one to see the positive side of things and when things dont go good, I turn to God. But right now im so tired of being that person! Im dying inside! I want to so badly end my life, but i dont know why i am so scared to leave everything behind! My parents would be better off, Id be better of dead and I know the people in my life Ive hurt would be better off. I get to that point where I am ready and am going to do it, but for some reason, I get scared!! Why? If your so miserable then fix it! This is the only way I have. And I mean ONLY! This is the only place I can share my real feelings. Im giving up.
magpie1809 magpie1809
22-25, F
5 Responses Sep 25, 2012

if you are truly afraid of something and you dont do it out of fear. there is a reason for the fear. you are supposed to be here, sharing your feelings with us. we want you here!!

Metalgirl99 That made me cry but in a happy way!! You have no idea how much that meant. Thank you so much!! You are right. We are all Suppose to be here. And I'm so glad I have y'all to be able to share my feelings with!

i'm glad it made you happy. i think we are all here for some reason or another. not quite sure what my reason is yet. lol hit me up if you need to. hope you have a good night :)

fight it god wants you to live :-)

I'm right here with you guys!! I second what deadpuppy said. There's no way your friends and family would not be completely devastated. And think of all the positive encouragement you give to everyone else. I know it's so much easier to give that to others than to yourself. I think that's the most difficult thing we need to learn to do - support and nurture ourselves. But until we do, we have to lean on each other for it...especially EP friends. Just know that I am here any time you need to vent or just talk.

Thanks so much!! And yes ur right, it's so much easier to give encouragement to others then to urself. Idk why it is tho. Yes I'm glad we have people on EP! Y'all are the only ones I can tell these things to. Thanks you!

Sweetie...depression has you by the nose. You need to get some professional help.

Hylierandom:Yes your so right it does! It has for so long! I've tried to get professional help but it doesn't seem to stick.

I often feel the way you are feeling right now, more days than not. If you are a religious person, perhaps it is sign of something greater to come? For me, I think death would be a welcome end, yet I am terrified to die and I know that my family/friends would be devastated. And contrary to what you think, your parents and friends would not be better off, they too would be devastated and would wonder what they could have done to change things/help you more. Unfortunately, I know a fair amount of people who have dealt with suicides of friends/family members and if the person who made that fatal decision could change their mind after they saw the effect of their decision on their family/friends, they would probably change their minds. I wish I could give you advice about reaching for help, but I can't. I fight this battle within myself each day and have not yet found a way to reach out for help, so I guess just know that you are not alone. Good luck and keep fighting :-)

Thanks you dead puppy for those sweet words. I know in my heart you are right! Im glad to know I'm not alone with this mess! You keep fighting too!!