War, Relationship, Family

My life feels like a soap opera. I joined the military in 2010, got pregnant and had an abortion. Deployed in 2011 to Afghanistan. I watched a man get shot, smelt the flesh of burning bodies, got sexually assaulted ny an ANA soldier in the shower. Fell in love with a man down range only later to experience physical and verbal abuse almost daily. He cheated on me while we were on leave and got me sick. Cheated on me for a second time and blamed me for it. I don't have many friend due to him keeping me shut away, my parents don't talk to me due to me always choosing him. I'm getting involuntarily seperated from the army with no college background and not much job experience. I have no plan and this man that I fell in love with left me out to dry. I have no plan and no where to go after I get out of the army. I'm scared, alone, depressed and I feel so empty. I cut myself to feel in control of something. In reality I have no control at all. I've cut my hand but mostly on my upper thighs so no one can see I'm weak. I cut about 2 times a week and dig at the cuts already there. I enjoy seeing the blood.
limithph limithph
22-25
Nov 25, 2012