I Am A Cutter

I haven't cut since April 1st 2012, though there have been times that I had my keys on my arm in the bathroom at work this summer. All of last year when the doctors were trying to find ways to help me, all the nurses etc always asked me why I did this to myself. I couldn't really put into words why I did. I always rationed that it gave my mind a break for 1 second because it just consumed me for that time. I feel like such a hipocrite. Last year I was working with grade 1 and 2 kids, and after a "bad night" one of the little girls saw my wrists and with big sad eyes asked what had happened to me. "My cat doesn't like it when I give him a bubble bath!"
I know I've come to far in the past year in so many different ways. I know I am stronger now, and happier now, but a more troubled version of myself is beginning to emerge tonight. I'm not going to allow myself to touch anything sharp tonight. If I feel like cutting, I will occupy my hands, I will call my parents, I will read a chapter of my book. Cutting used to get the better of me, but tonight is not going to be a night where I let that happen.
skerr123 skerr123
18-21, F
Jan 5, 2013