Long Hard Road

I don't know where to start.
I started cutting when I was 12.
My best friend had started doing it, so one night when I got really upset, I tried it.
I barely made scratches, but I felt... Better.
It went from using a compass to using scissors. I made a crosshatch over both my thighs at youth group once and got caught... This is how my parents found out.
My dad has always hated my cutting, and his attitude makes me feel worse, makes me feel like I should do it again.
When I was 15, I cut deep enough to need stitches.
When I was 16, I tried to cut the side of my neck, resulting in 8 more stitches. When I was 17 I got into a massive fight with friends at school and tried to slit my wrists... I was caught with a gaping wound in the girls bathrooms and expelled immediately for being detrimental to the mental health of the other students.
I've lost so many friends over this, but every time I try to stop, I get that need to do it again... I feel hopeless and upset, and my blade is my comfort.
I want to lose this addiction, this compulsive action, but I'm so scared that I can't live without it.
KierstynLeigh KierstynLeigh
18-21, F
Jan 8, 2013