Thought I Was Stronger

For months I didn't touch the blade. I had a few of them in my room. But I didn't have the need to reach out for them...Until recently...

I feel like everyone I trusted has turned their back on me, everything I wish to achieve seems to be out of reach and like nothing's working out for me. There was a period I was able to talk about it, but I don't think they wanna listen anymore and so I keep to myself...

But myself can't hold it anymore either. I'm becoming stressed, anxious and so frustrated. I have to let it out. I've been trying to write to get it out, but I ended up writing for hours. Writing when I should sleep, writing when I should be doing other things. Writing wasn't enough, my hands started to shake...My body got anxious. It was literally begging me to cut myself to calm down.

And so, I gave in. I cut myself, after being clean for months. I'm disappointed in myself. I thought I was stronger than the desire to cut...The disappointment frustrates me even more, and leads to even more cutting...It's a vicious cycle I want to escape from!
Jeanellaisha Jeanellaisha
22-25, F
Jan 22, 2013