Why?

I guess I began because I felt like a disappointment I was in 6th grade and I got left back my mom was ashamed of me. It hurted so bad so I spent the whole summer reading then I read how a boy would cut to feel release. I wanted to feel that so I grabbed a pair of scissors and did a tiny slice it hurted but I liked it. I stopped for a while then one day in school my friend dared me to cut myself with a box cutter I did it and it felt so good. I went home and reopened that wound several times. In 8th grade my mom found outnans called me and idiot she put me down so hard i began sobbing. That night I began down a dark path in my cutting I cut for the after affect and to see the blood I cut my hips upper arms and ankles anywhere I could hide it. Usually my triggers would be failing at something or an argument or when I just need the feel. I once told my friend andnshe laughed and called me emo so now I dont tell anyone. I am 17 going on 18. I haven't cut in a year but I constantly get the urge.
I wish I didn't start but i think it's normal to do this there is something wrong with me i know.