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I Am a Cutter

Walk A Mile In My Shoes

By: weepingblood21
Written on February 20th, 2013
Today is February 19, 2013. All i have to say is that it is easier to judge others for their mistakes when you haven't been in their situation. I don't need people telling me that I am good for something, or that I need a good spanking. I was hit as a child. I don't need a hand raised to me at this age. I don't need everyone elses opinion on who I am, or who I can be. I am me. I am a cutter. I suffer from depression. It tends to happen to someone after being molested by family members. Walk a mile in my shoes, feel my pain, then tell me that I can just get over it. I am angry. I don't need to be spoken to like some child. I lost my way along time ago. I'm just starting to find my way again. I will relapse again, I know it will happen. I don't question it. I have reached a breaking point. You can say I'm at the edge of a cliff, hanging on by a thin tree branch that is about to snap. I just can't deal with all of this. The cutting is the only thing that has gotten me through this. I need it, sadly. It is a crutch, that someday I won't need. I know that day is coming soon, I can feel it. But it can't save me right here and now. It can't pull me back to safety. Walk a mile in my shoes, feel what I feel, hear what I hear, and see what I see on a daily basis and then maybe, just maybe you can judge me. Until then, I think I will just keep to myself. I am safer that way.
By: weepingblood21
Age: 18-21 , Female
101 people have read this story

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5 responses
  • Hataj
    Hataj

    I get you. I was molested at 6 by my cousins aunt and then at 10 by my best friends grandfather. When a was I teenager I developed depression. Started cutting,Had a break down and was housed in a ward for a little bit. My meds made it easier but then I got to old for my parents insurance so turned to weed for help. Then I was arrested but got off because A woman died in the holding cell. Me and some other girls tried to get the guards to help but they didn't believe us. After she died we had to sit in the room with her till the guards brought in breakfast. Few years after that before I left for work one day I looked in on my little sister who was taking a nap. She looked like she was sleeping just fine I left about 10 min. Later. 1 hour later she was dead. I've been on the edge several times even tried to jump once. I cut because its the only thing that makes the pain go away. Im not gonna say dont cut Just don't hold it in I've tried that. Soon it's to much. For me it felt like my mind was being torn apart. That was my second break down. All I could do was scream until I couldn't breath. I'm not in your shoes but I have walked that mile. I hope you keep going and find a diff path. I'm on my way to finding a new one, the crutch helps when I feel like I'm slipping but one step at a time right? I hope someday you'll find some peace.

    Apr 24
    1 like
  • Orionn
    Orionn

    I too suffer from depression, and used to cut. I was able to stop. The scars are very hard to explain. Most people act like they don't notice. I have learned to live with the depression. Thirty years of therapy and meds didn't really cure as much as giving me time to learn to live with it. I didn't have any family. I guess they can be a hurt as much as a help, anyway. I felt like therapy was just paying for a friend.
    I hope you are able to stop cutting. I know where it can lead and the problems it can cause later in life. I hope you have or find healthy people that will give you support.
    Best wishes

    Feb 24
    1 like
  • ruserious23
    ruserious23

    I am not a cutter but i can really empathize with this story. I have had more than enough traumatic situations in my life. And people simply tell me to get over it or just not let it get to me.
    Truth is when you are exposed to something that impacts you to a large degree you cant just act as if it never happened.
    I need to get out of this situation i am in without letting it take my life because i have some talents and i bet you do too. I lucked out with sports.

    Feb 21
    2 likes
  • DAW2012
    DAW2012

    People are just trying to help you and do not want to see you suffer anymore when there is a way out. There is a difference between spanking and hitting and yes that may not be the answer either but at least we tried something other than cutting .

    Feb 20
    1 like
    • weepingblood21
      weepingblood21

      There is no difference between spanking and hitting. It scars that person for the rest of their life, it damages them. No one really gets that point. Ignorance is bliss in this world. We think we know someone from what we've heard. We think we can help them just because we've heard their story. No one can help you, unless you want to help yourself. You have to make that first step yourself. I made that step. I don't need anyone's help to stop. I just need a place to say what and how i feel, and that is what this site is to me. An outlet. Not a place for people to tell me their input on how they think i should be handled. I'm a big girl, i can handle myself.

      Feb 21
      1 like