Causing Pain to Stop the Pain.

So I cut again yesterday. I was doing so good...it had been about six weeks since my last cutting episode-but last night in the bathtub I just felt the overwhelming pain well up and I had to do something to stop it.

Sometimes when I get the flashbacks-there really is no other choice. The only way to stop the memories is to find something else really intense to focus on-and the cutting just does it for me.

The feeling of the blade sliding across my skin...watching the blood slowly trickle out...it feels like breathing for the first time.

Wow-must be time to see my psycho-it-trist again...lol...'to reevalutate my medication'. What a friggin joke...it isn't like it matters anyway. There are no drugs strong enough to make the memories go away.

GraceBecomesHer GraceBecomesHer
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 16, 2007

i know what you mean... i cut for the same reason, and it DOES help; if only for a short time, but long enough to get a grip on myself so that i'm able to push those memories aside... so that i can pretend i forgot it all... that they vanished like the blood had vanished into the sink...

Sorry hun about all the bad stuff in your past and nothing is going to make the memories completely go away, but it's not going to help if you cut yourself.