I'm new here, so I'm sorry if I sound stupid or this isn't how I'm supposed to post. I started cutting when I was 13.  I've since been told by multiple psychiatrists that I'm the worst cutter they've ever seen.  I've dealt with depression all my life.  my heart has just been shattered.  god, I want to cut so bad.  or maybe burn myself, I put out cigarettes on my arm.  my heart is totally shattered, just little shards all over.  I just took some klonopin and seroquil, but it's not helping yet.  I feel so resentful.  all the broken promises.  I wish I could just die, but I don't think my dad would survive it.  wow, I need to smoke.
ALostGirl ALostGirl
22-25, F
22 Responses Aug 20, 2007

Im new on here too so dont feel alone! :)

I'm with you, may dad wouldn't survive my suicide either... luckily and unluckily he's fading pertty quickly...

I just want you to know that you don't have to worry anymore. I know it is hard to see the bright side of things right now, but you have got to be strong. I know cutting will ease your pain temporarily, but it won't in the long wrong. Remember that God created you because your important. You were born on this earth to make a difference, to be a change, to smile and make others smile. Your precious, your important, and I am sure your loved by so many. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that your special, because you are. Self injury won't cure you, your mind has to tell yourself that your better than that, because you are. I wish you the best.

I am sorry that u have to go through that,and i understand what it's like because I have depression too. The only thing that i hate is that i'm not aloud to be treated for it. i cut, have for three years, and want to stop, but for some odd reason, i cant, please stop and i hope your meds start working.<br />
-Twistychic22 ♥♥

it's all right. i'm sure you've heard that a thousand times, but sometimes, you just need to know that there is someone else in the world who's walked you path and can help you. this thread and this site will help you in understanding that there are places to turn when you're feeling upset and need an outlet. people in this thread understand what it's like to try to stop cutting, and they can help you. any one of us would be glad to help you out, listen to you vent, or simply be there for you when you really need someone there for you. when in doubt, just take a breath. and let it out. and do it again. and again. and never, ever, ever stop.

Hi, i know what your going through, i've been through it all, cuttings my resort. No one seems to understand. and i hate that other people go through what im going through because i would never wish that upon someone. its horrible, but theres help, somewhere, i hope.

Hi, i know what your going through, i've been through it all, cuttings my resort. No one seems to understand. and i hate that other people go through what im going through because i would never wish that upon someone. its horrible, but theres help, somewhere, i hope.

Hi, I just joined tonight and saw your story. I know what you are going through, I wasn't so-much a cutter, I never knew there was a term for it. I have, on several occasions throughout my life, hurt myself in many different ways. I use to put nails in between my knuckles and pound my arms and legs until blood ran down in streams. It gave me a release, I only would stop when I would pass out drunk. The next day, I would wake in a pool of blood and scramble to hide any evidence of the nightmare. I was embarassed that I did it but I couldnt stop. It only happened when life was too hard to handle. When my Dad died, I went to town on myself, it was so bad, I couldnt hide it all, I told "concerned strangers" who asked about my scars, that I fell into a wicker basket, it looked more like a blender did it. I was trying to punish myself because I had lost all hope that things would change, that my life would ever get any better than this. I just want to tell you that it does, it does get better. I can tell you have been through alot in your short life but you must believe that things will get better for you. I have survived 3 rapes, lost all of my family, can't hold down a job for more than a year at a time and covered in emotional and physical scars. basically a mess. I have one best friend who believes in me like my Dad did, he is my rock. He calls me "painfully optimistic" because I finally rose above all the BS that everyone around me fed me. It is ok to feel sad, Its ok to be angry. But above all, remember to not blame yourself when things go wrong, sometimes crap happens and its out of your control. You are NOT a bad person, its those around you, who put you down that have the problem. I still get sad and distrought at times but I havent hurt myself for almost 2 yrs and I have no desire to anymore. The trick is to stay clear of toxic people (even if they are family) until you are strong enough to let thier harsh words and actions bounce off of you. good luck to you on your road to recovery (im still on that road too) and please dont hesitate to contact me if you need to talk or are feeling overwhelmed.

I empathize with you but as I understand from experience, do not wear your label from your doctors that you are the worst cutter they have ever seen. It's easy to fall into the trap of taking pride and even attention from what people say. This only extends the time it takes for you to get to the core of your problems and heal. Yes, I said heal. It's possible.

I would like to give you a hug & tell you what i have to tell myself every day. Start every day like it was on purpose. remember to breathe & you are here for a reason. You cant feel guilty for your feelings. Music can be somrthing that you can turn to. I can sugest Sarah Brightman's let it rain from her album Symphony. <br />
I know that depression will always be a struggle but finding ways of surviving the lows is a personal thing. You need to experiment with diferent ideas & ways of coping. I know you dont know me but if you can find something to laugh about every day for me I'll do the same for you. take care.

i think i kinda feel that same way...minus the smoking...downside to having asthma....but i think that its great that ur getting help...and stuff

i am a cutter and i am 13 years old i suffer from major depression and possibly suicidle

we are all equal here in what we do and i think its good to take action and share. I would really like to know why youre so shattered. I have cut before and I still do and Im 18 I have depression as well. I know that if you can find someone you can trust to talk to it helps alot. I fortunately found trust in one of my teachers at school who happened to be a counseler and I still call her my guardian angel. I dont think w/o someone like that in your life its hard to survive. I would really like to know more about your situation because I think its very intresting and intruiging to find people so similar to myself.

i understand what you're going through.<br />
i've done some of the same things.<br />
don't feel alone

I'm sorry you feel the way you do... I'm sorry I feel the same way too...

I know what it is like to go through all the psychiatris. I am to a cutter. Have been since I was 14. I to take the same meds as you have listed. Keep your chin up. Just think, every morning that you wake up, it's a brand new day and you can restart your life and move on and leave the past behind. Cutting and other things like that do NOT describe who we are, it just says how we act. Anyways take care and try not to cut or anything dangerous. I have gone just now 3 weeks without cutting. So I know if I can do it, so can you!!<br />
<br />

I know how you feel sweetie, Ive had so many highs and lows. I recently started cutting, my left arm is almost covered in bruises-I hate it. But it'll get better!<br />
I'm here if you need me.- hope you have a great experience here!

Many of us feel the same way ......I smoke too! Hey anything that helps i guess.

watch movie "The Secretary" it may have and answer for you. Anyone can be happy but everyone needs another means to it - patrner, hobbies, job, friend. Try to think what can help you personally. That pain that you are inflicted on yourself can be transformed - for example to some other type of pain (less harmfull) that some else will be inflicting on you, or to control that someone will have over you

i know how ya feel, honey. i used to cut too... and still want to sometimes. im here for ya. and you posted just fine, by the by.

Im there with you. Im also new here and i have been hurting myself for as long as i can remember but just recently i have been cutting. it started just once in a while but this past two weeks it seems i can help it. I have no one to talk to because im to afraid to tell. I want to talk but i can because im afraid of hurting someone that cares about me. I just dont know what to do anymore.

It's because you're turning your pain inward. All the disconnect you feel, all that numbness, is because you feel like you can't live the way you want, and that if you did, no one would love you or be interested in you. I have to say, that's certainly untrue. While I do not and have never cut myself, I have on several occasions ruined my life. I did it because I didn't think I deserved happiness, because I felt bad about who I was. I learned, over much time, to let that go. It's not me who is screwed up...on the contrary, it's most other people. When I finally did let go of my guilt, I was free to be myself again, without restraint or guilt. I'm not saying it's easy, but I hope I'm pointing you down the right path.