Mom & I Are Like Oil & Water

My dad is great but my mom and I are not "besties" - never have been and never will be. My mother acts as if I owe her something for birthing me and pushes my buttons every chance she gets, so I keep my distance for the sake of my sanity. Our latest dust up is about my brother, who happens to be her favorite. He's visiting for a couple weeks and she's over the moon. This is great because she can spend this time focusing on him and not me. But she's unhappy that I haven't planned a family gathering to welcome him home. Let me add that he lives a short plane ride away. He visits once or twice a year and each time she acts as if he's returned home from the war.

I'm having my kitchen remodeled so this really isn't a good time for company. Plus, he's her prodigal son, not mine. Mother wants to know why she hasn't been invited over to see the progress of my remodel, i.e, she wants to come and inspect so she can determine if my house is suitable for company. Lastly, she's disappointed that I wasn't able to take time off from work and have to work late while Bro is here. I explained that this is the end of the fiscal year and vacations are not permitted during this time. A couple family members have called & emailed with questions about my renovations & my work schedule - I'm sure they were promted to do so by her. WTF?

I'm grown; I'm independent; I have my own family, house, car, career, etc. Should any of that change, perhaps I'll answer to her or some other entity and do as I'm told, but for now I am the boss of my personal life. I shouldn't have to explain these things to her, especially since she still doesn't get it. She allowed her mother to boss her around and was miserable for it. Here's to breaking the cycle. Cheers!