How Do You Choose Someone For You?

Here I am another day (not another dollar cause I'm jobless). I'm not even sure who i am let alone what I'm doing. I live in a very small town and I have lots of kids so I have to be very careful what I say. But my older son walked out because he hates his step dad, he says he'll come home if I leave him. Ok one kid, but NO all my kids dislike him but his 2 children who are younger and really don't know him yet. In his defense he is attending counseling and tring to change. So here I am bad economy families need to be pulling together to survive and my children won't come near him. I have 2 married and out of the house. he asks why won't they come over? I try to explain but he does't see his faults as that bad of a thing. For 11 years hes been rude, demeaning, unrealalitic, and he is always right, always! So I gave up years ago and tried to just change me, well that worked for me so here I am unhappy and he needs me. Hes hurting physically and emotionally from feeling like a failure as a husband and father. AAAAHHHH............I am confused and I feel trapped. Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side I don't know but I don't know how to be here anymore either.......look at my 5 year old and tell him I'm sorry I can't live with your dad anymore.

elastagirl elastagirl
41-45, F
6 Responses Mar 21, 2009

I totally understand! I can't give you any wisdom other than a prayer, a shoulder of care! Knowing we are in this together!

Seriously T you have some awesome insite.............

Thank you for your encouragement. I'm tring and we are going to counseling. I just do not understand how you don't go after your son. He keeps telling me he doesn't want to make things worse between them but he made them worse between us. Maybe I'm just selfish, I keep tring to focus on the fact the kid did do something wrong and I'm just missing him. Our church is talking with him and tring to help me too. I am so angry though, if my husband is tring to fix our relationship and keep me from leaving, why would you not go get the kid?! I'm tring to see this from a guys point of view. <br />
By the way hes not physically abusive he is mentally abusive and doesn't see it, till know.

oh dear, i am there with you, you and myself have a lot in commen, it sounds like the only difference is that i only have one child. hang in there, you are a good person, you are trying to help others that is always good, but i understand when you say you are unhappy so am i.

One thing I did learn when I was in my marriage was that God never make women to be abused. He just did not create us for that. <br />
I don't have marital advice for you. God created you to be alive and be free from abuse. People disagreed with my divorce choice, but my life was worth more than the marriage. I'm just not good at taking abuse. <br />
Gettingi yourself healthy will be one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. They know that you're not content. Kids are amazingly astute.<br />
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It's okay to be a christian and be struggling. We're just like everyone else, except we do have our Father to help us. It's not hypocritical to deal with depression and walk out your salvation. I used to be the queen of depression.<br />
God loves you so much. You don't even have to do anything to warrant it.<br />
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message me if you need to talk further.<br />
<br />
elaine

oh honey I feel for you - I really do - I don't broadcast to just everyone that I am a Christian (they know I believe in God right off the bat) BECAUSE I am here to vent and be myself - angry or not so great thoughts, etc... so I don't want anyone to have cause to be able to say, oh, there is another hypocritical Christian.<br />
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My marriage is not good either and sometimes I feel like since I am a Christian that I have to accept my lot in life and shut up about it. But I am tired of being unhappy - tired of being tired - tired of being lonely - but then I have the same sentiment as you - how am I going to look into my 7 and 10 year old daughters' eyes and explain it in a way that devastate them?<br />
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So, your circumstance - my circumstance - they are enough to warrant depression!<br />
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Ever need to talk - you can pm me anytime - I do not judge - I leave that up to God - he is the wisest and knows our true hearts!<br />
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I will be keeping you in my prayers.

We are going through the fire with God...

I am new to this board and am glad I came....we are not alone, and though that doesn't change our circumstances, at least we know there are others who are struggling with similar issues. I hope and pray for all of us, that God will continue to show Himself as a faithful healer, a loving Lord who cares deeply, and will strengthen us and give us perseverance. The topic of anxiety and casting our cares upon God was the highlight of last Sunday's sermon at my church...and I wrote a few notes down. Not sure if it will help, but it helped to encourage me, so perhaps it will for anyone else who is struggling.

Instead of coping, begin hoping.

Don't interpret the pain in your life as a sign of God's abandonment.

He promises to sustain us.

Why does God allow all this? Maybe so our kids can see what loyalty, perseverance and patience is. Maybe so that the generations of family sin, the chains of bondage, would be broken.

I guess it all goes back to what we are going to do about our pain, our sorrow, our depression, our cares. Will we choose to let the pain swallow us up and defeat us...? Or, will we move towards allowing these troubles to drive us to lean on Him? It's a question I have to ask myself.

I pray that God gives you rest and comfort, renewed hope.....