Handle Difficult PeopleHandle Difficult People
When I was a small kid and went to primary school, big students used to tease me, calling me many funny names; I was always annoyed by them. I thought of many possibilities to overcome them and among them was to run away from school, but my parents knew that it was the best school in the place. Another alternative was to remain silent in front of them, but still they were the only people around me, and I also needed them for assistance in different ways.
Later on in life, as a grown up, I came to learn that running away from the “problem does not solve the problem.” I started thinking of many alternatives, and solutions.
In one way or the other, dear reader, you might have faced difficult people and of course many. For example a bully at your work is difficult for you to face. He is demanding you to do part of his job without pay or credit. How do you handle it? Your neighbors are constantly fighting. They wake you up in the middle of the night with their screams and curses. What do you say to them? Your father is unhappy about your career choice. He constantly criticizes your work and points out what he thinks you should do. How do you deal with him?
Difficult situations are part of everyone’s life. Employers and employees can’t get along. Partners clash over money. Spouses cannot resolve disagreements. If you ignore these situations, they always get worse. Employees get fired, partnerships and marriages break up, everyone is miserable. Waiting and worrying, the most common "solution," also allows the problem to get worse while giving you stress and shortening your life span. If you attack the person, at least you are trying to fix the problem. But attacks, rage, or irrational anger, can give you a bad name, making people afraid of you, and reduce honest communication. Disconnecting from the problem or from the person is not always wise or practical. Losing employees, supporters and friends because you needlessly disassociate from them may reduce your stress, but you might also become lonely and poor.
The Best Solution Is to Confront and Handle People
"The ability to stand up to and confront and handle whatever comes the way of the organization depends utterly on the ability of the individuals of the organization to stand up to, confront and handle what comes the individual's way." — L. Ron Hubbard
When you face and resolve the problem yourself, you feel wonderful. You are in control of your life. You not only conquer the opposition, you conquer your fear. Few accomplishments are more satisfying than confronting someone who is difficult to face and handling the conflict.
How to Confront and Handle Someone?
By getting organized and working out a plan of action, confronting and handling people becomes much easier. The key is your preparation.
"THE SUCCESS OF ANY EVENT IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE TIMELY PREPARATION." — L. Ron Hubbard
Follow these seven steps to prepare yourself for dealing with the difficult people in your life.
1. Make the decision to face up to the person directly and by yourself.
2. Write down the exact problem you need to handle and your goal for the confrontation.
Examples of problems to be confronted that you might write down:
"Joe is refusing to pay me despite our agreement."
"Chris is hurting office morale and causing me stress with her continual complaining."
"Bob is supposedly telling people that my work is inferior and I am dishonest."
Once you specifically name or identify the problem, write down a goal for the meeting. "By the end of the meeting, I want . . . ."
Examples of goals or ob
"Joe pays me in full."
"Chris stops complaining or leaves."
"Learn the truth about Bob’s comments and if true, get him to stop it."
In some cases, your ob
"Figure out if I want this person as a partner/employee/boss/friend."
3. Write down a Plan or List of Points You Need to Make to Support Your Goal:
Facts, Reasons and explanations you may need the other person to understand.
List the points in order of priority or importance.
For example, to get Joe to understand why he must pay you, you might make these points:
A. Joe requested the service.
B. Joe signed an agreement to pay for the service.
C. We provided the service as promised.
D. Joe was happy with the service.
4. Write down ob
For each ob
5. Organize your notes and gather supportive documents.
6. Arrange the meeting where you will not be disturbed, preferably in a space you control.
7. Start the meeting.
A. Look the person directly in the eye.
B. Explain the specific problem you want to resolve as you noted in Step 2.
C. Go over your first point on the list from Step 3.
D. Listen carefully to the other person and make certain they feel understood.
E. Hold a position on your points.
F. Use your solutions to their reactions as you worked out in Step 4.
G. Continue describing your points and listening to the person's side.
H. Do not give up. Communicate and persist for as long as it takes to reach your goal.
The more frequently you confront and handle difficult people, the easier it becomes. The amount of time it takes to prepare for a confrontation decreases. You become strong and tough.
When you confront and handle everyone around you, people respect you for your courage, your honesty and your control. Your associates, employees or coworkers follow your example and become more productive. Your enemies either become harmless or become friends.
Taking positive organized action, despite fear, is the kind of courage all successful people must have to succeed.