The Recipe For Success...

...is harder to find than anyone can imagine.

Had a short & pleasant conversation with my wife this morning about "what makes us tick", and I came up with a sort of "recipe analogy" that I thought explained it well, but you be the judge.

What we-were / I-was talking about is how difficult it is to actually pin down what a spouse can do for their AB / DL partner that can be a recipe for success in playing with diapers in your couples-life together. I equated it (using this analogy) to how a person can have a recipe for making some (food) dish, that, IF FOLLOWED CORRECTLY, can result in a great meal, almost every time out. In other words, if you have some family recipe for a certain dish that, WHEN FOLLOWED CORRECTLY each time, results in your having a great culinary experience that reminds you of the last time and the time before (when you had that same dish, and IT TURNED OUT WONDERFULLY), you really wouldn't want to mess around with that recipe too much. In other words, if it's a perfect cake, you wouldn't try adding pickles to it just to be different. If the cake is great, according to the printed recipe, then MAKE IT THAT WAY and don't mess with it. You'll nearly always have a good result (unless you burn the cake, etc...)

Ok, so what does this have to do with diapers? Well, we (all of us, but especially my wife & I) constantly face the challenge of how to integrate diapers into our life in a way that is fulfilling to both of the partners, but doesn't require you to mess with the recipe all the time. For me (and I know this is JUST ME), it's about achieving a level of comfort, appearance & humiliation when I'm wearing a diapers that replicates those feelings that drove me to wanting to wear diapers in the first place. In other words, something happened to me early in life that created this desire in me. I can't explain it, and probably many/most of you can't explain it either. We wouldn't probably have chosen this for ourselves, but instead we sort of realize that the diapers CHOSE US. That being said, if I am to feel comforted and comfortable, the recipe for replicating that diaper play WITH ME is to combine the right ingredients:

1. Nice fitting diaper/s that have a wonderful ability to absorb & are fairly long lasting
2. Cute plastic pants that constantly remind me of my diapered state, while providing that "safety feature"
3. A degree of humiliation [constant checks & reminders that I'm just too babylike to ever deserve big-boy underwear]
4. A degree of chastity [similar to how infants/kids/toddlers are chaste as young non-sexual beings]
5. A degree of stealth, so I/we can go about our daily routines having this secret, but not sharing it with anyone else
6 And finally, yes, certainly SOME degree of sexual release (again, this is about ME, not necessarily YOU...) to cap it off!

So, why do I think this is important? Because, as a diapered mate in a couples relationship, I know my wife has tried lots of stuff to delve into my world, but we more-often-than-not come up short of reaching "home plate" or "the perfect cake". Yes, we can make a base hit (I'm switching to a baseball analogy now...); we can usually get to second base, too; sometimes, we even round second and get to third; BUT, rarely do we ever figure out how to hit a HOME RUN each time. Usually she tries to find "what works" with me, but it seems like an almost impossible task. It's like even if I lay out the recipe like up above, she doesn't get that you have to stick to what works to have that home run (cake) every time you're up to bat.

MY AB recipe:
Dress me in the right clothes (and, yes, you do have some choices to make here! cloth vs disposable vs combos, etc), and make sure there's no way I can mess up the furniture/bed, and then treat me (subliminally, if you must...) like I'm not worthy of being dressed like a mommy/daddy in adult clothing, and then manipulate my sexuality & chastity by finding ways to show me how in-control you are with respect to my ******* (when & how --> vibrators - ky - analplay/buttplugs - oral fixations, etc). Yes, we can do all of this on a fairly regular basis, and still maintain our adult ways of life, while still tapping into that deepest darkest part of my young-toddler-diapered soul, thus creating fulfilment and a sense of hope for tomorrows full of some of the same game play. Add in the occasional babyish reminders (binkies/gags, powder, oatmeal-play, bottles, babyfood, booties, blindfolds & earplugs, etc) sometimes to spice things up, but keep the basic recipe the same. This is my truest fantasy - to be small & controlled. It's something I know I can never be, but somehow, like the moth to a flame, I keep trying to get there...

OTOH....

My DL recipe:
Find something that is utilitarian (pull-ups, absorbers, plastic pants, etc.), that complies with whatever adult actions I need to take on any particular day, but still remind me that I HAVE A SECRET that only YOU know about. Then SEND ME OUT into the world to be an adult (albeit, with a secret) and welcome me back at the end of the day acknowleding what a great big man I've been by facing my diapered state within the frame of an adult perspective. This particular recipe doesn't include all the ABish type accoutrements, just real adult life issues, wrapped inside a diaper lovers mind. IOW, if you need to take poo, you pull stuff down and drop the poo where it belongs, like other adults do, but then you pull your utility pants back up. And, yes, checks and changes are part of this recipe, too, probably not on the order of the AB version of things, tho. This is my "reality" fantasy - something I can live & work in/with, but still reminds me of my infantile roots... Yes, it's slightly sexual, but it's far more utilitarian. My wife knows I wore Goodnites for almost 10 years every day at work, and it mostly filled my DL recipe-desire even with/without actual sexual realease at the end of the day. It served a purpose, and no one ever had a clue but she & me... It was a long term solution to a long term need.

OK, this is already to long, so I'm sorry for those of you looking for a quick ****. It's not meant to be fodder for wanking, but rather a way to explain how some of our lives are so complicated by our diapered nature that even after decades, we still can't get it quite right. For those of you on the younger side, it's an example of the trials & ribulations you might also face in combining marriage/partners in the long run in your own diapered life.

I'm also sorry for throwing in the baseball analogy while still in the middle of recipe analogy, but it's what came to mind. I'm not even sure I've exactly spelled out what I mean here, but I hope it touches on what I/we struggle with in the life/lives of diaper lovers and adult babies. I know we're all different, so don't take me literal that I somehow think that this recipe up above applies to everyBABY. I know it doesn't. But, it speaks to how we (my wife & I) as a AB / DL couple sometimes fall short over and over, and we're not even sure why. It's like not being able to replicate that recipe for fun (over & over) that could lead us both to have great satisfaction in our sexual lives, as well as our personal lives. Different than most of our fellow humans, but still within the realm of human sexuality and the desire to be loved and wanted as a person.

I know this is also from MY PESPECTIVE and not hers, and I didn't mention much about HER SATISFACTION here, but I believe her satisfaction is just as important as my satisfaction and the hope is that YOU/I know when to take the diaper off or when to pull the tongue out and/or when to use your/my hands to accomplish the mission with the same basic replicability that gives you/I that same level of comfort and pleasure we all know we want.

OK, enuf for now. Wondering how others feel about their recipes for success in dealing with diapers...

ABDreamz
ABDreamz ABDreamz
56-60, M
6 Responses Aug 7, 2010

Aw. That's so cute! In my case, I kind of overlap between LB and ABDL. Aside from enjoying my diapers and pacifiers I basically prefer to be treated more like I'm in elementary school than nursery. I love watching cartoons, coloring books, superheroes and anything to do with halloween (my favorite holiday!). I'd love to have a new daddy or mommy to feed me some ice cream. Or tuck me in at night and read me a story. Or comfort me when I had a nightmare. Or maybe give me a bubble bath and dress me up after! I think that would make my year.

I know just what you mean, antiflash. I'm also not very often in the nursery (mental) age, either. I'm more like a 4-8 yr old kid that just never grew up out of his need for diapers, even though my chronoligical age progressed; still needing diapers and some babylike ways... I'm sure it must represent what we feel we never got when we were kids, even though, in my case, my brain seems to think my young years went well enough.

<p>Ok, here's something more that comes to mind when I consider my lifestyle as a diaper lover.</P><br />
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<p>First....<br />
I do consider myself primarily a straight DL, as opposed to any version of AB, although I full well understand the leanings towards ABism. I even occasionally fantasize myself into an AB mode (eyes closed, thumbsucking during self-stim, nighty-nite, diaper-wetting, etc) to recharge those deep batteries.</P><br />
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<p>However...<br />
As a DL, it's more about the diapers I'm wearing, and how they look, feel & work for me, during the course of a normal day. Do they absorb? Do they fall apart internally from activity? Are they showing?? Does anybody know? How full are they??? Can I get one more pee out of them?? This is my typical day as a DL.</P><br />
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<p>In those rare occasions when I tend towards the AB, it's all about immersion, body & soul, as far the lifestyle will allow me in my life/home. I don't have the bottles, onsies, or even binkie's, so it's more like I described up above - thumbsucking in the dark of night, maybe some self stim or just "touching my package", maybe unrestrained diaper wetting in bed, etc. If I do get my jollies, I usually don't need anything else for the time being; just relax back to sleep. </P><br />
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<p>BUT, there is also an in-between place (for me) that's not discussed very often. I'd say the best way to describe it is to allow for THE distinction as a DL that lets me tend towards a "childlike nature" (when properly diapered), where I'm acting & feeling much more child-LIKE than at any other time, but am still a full-on adult in every other way, and definately NOT immersed all the way back into b-AB-y space. This is the really nice place to be, when you can get there. No worries. Maybe no work. Free to roam, mind & soul. In this space, a diaper, WET or DRY, serves the purpose of dressing you out for the occasion. You know you're a lil diaper-butt, but you're hoping you're CUTE in some other small way, so you don't "offend" anyone that might notice you. It's going to this place that most often brings forth the more loving & creative person in me. I want to watch nature happen in front of my eyes... I want to snuggle, buggle & snooze with my lover... Sometimes I want to listen to, and then almost always want to play my favorite music. I also occasionally like to take a toke at this point, often deepening the experience, too. But it's this in-between place that I understand the least in myself, but I think I like the most. I think this is where a spouse or partner could come in to tell you that "it's alright", or that "you're a little cutie", or "are your pants wet?", or whatever, and it would make perfect sense to your brain. It's probably this place that most vanilla partners can understand, but are on the fence as to whether they will allow things to go further. If they're not threatened by you being a little childlike and wearing a diaper, then it's all good. If not, then their hurdles start appearing in front of them, warning them off allowing this to go any deeper. I can't explain it any better at the moment, but I wonder if any of you also find yourselves in that third space in-between</P><br />
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<p>Lastly...<br />
Without the diapers to prop me up, I obviously don't feel any of it AS MUCH, BUT I do still yearn for the child in me to be allowed to have a voice. So, where I can, I toss in a little childlike abandon into my daily activites, hoping to sooth that part of me that needs that diaper to be put back on...</P><br />
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<p>Not sure if that (3rd state) happens with anyone else, but I'd be interested to hear about it, if it does. I's also like to hear about other modes you find yourself in when diapered that don't particulary fall into the straight AB or DL mode, or the in-between.</P>

Boy...... If only I could get a conversation like that going with my wife I would feel great. Might even get her to play along or join in.

@binkeyboy - I'd call that a dose of full-on humiliation.... Hope you enjoyed it, but It'd freak me out...<br />
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ABDreamz

Thanks Cupcakey! Like you say, it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it is probably one the least understood of the more common fetishes out there. And, yes, I am glad that I've been able to maintain my honesty through our whole marriage. I never wanted to face that lack-of-trust issue that bubbles up each time a lover/partner finds out something new/weird that rocks their status-quo world, sometimes shattering the relationship. For me it was best to get things out in the open as soon as possible and face whatever consequences there were. Fortunatley, my (then) girlfriend was understanding enough and loving enough to still want to marry. It's been 20+ years now, so we did something(s) right.<br />
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Good luck to you in breaking through!<br />
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ABDreamz

There were other event sin my life that found me a little out of the mainstream. Can't say what got me into diapers but I sure am. It is not sexual or fetish, I just want to be diapered.<br />
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There is no real recipe for wearing diapers. If your freaked out or ashamed of diapers- don't wear one. If your love diapers, wear them. Don't hide them but no reason to show them.