Just Am

Its hard for me now to even remember a time I didn't want diapers, even though I know there was. I just emotionally connected to them now. Having diapers on just feels right. Even though I blame this on my past and my dad, to be honest its something I just desire and for some reason I feel I deserve as a punishment.

For those who wonder what I mean by this blame, as a kid I was either afraid to ask to go to the restroom or stop what I was doing to go. Even over at other people's house I was afraid of going too much and possibly being a burden to people's utility bill. So naturally I had accidents daily. Which didn't help with my bed wetting problems I already had until fifth grade.

At the time I only wore white briefs which became more yellow tented as time went on. I use to hide it on the playground or at my desk until my pants dried and even in fifth grade, try to hide it by wearing pants that didn't show pee stains. I really didn't stop doing it daily until I hit six grade and switched to boxers to try to be cool. Even then, I still had accidents just not as often.

But by then my fetish had already developed. In fourth grade my dad made me show him my underwear I was wearing. I couldn't hid the pee stain and he threatened to diaper me if I didn't stop. I was horrified. But then I think I ended up becoming curious.

At some point I think my subconscious knew this is what I deserve. I embarrassingly wet myself all the time and had forever at night. My dad told me what my punishment would be if I did it again and some how I broke that almost daily without him knowing.

So as I entered high school I really was desiring to be diapered. But first, I made a transition out of boxers, aka the most uncomfortable underwear. I ended up in briefs and boxer-briefs with a preference to briefs for some reason. And then I started getting into diaper culture.

I was on the internet only to find I wasn't alone. There are people who claim to be like me. I started sneaking to buy diapers and hide them to wear them when I was alone. I was even bold enough to sneak them at school a couple of times.

I just knew at that point I loved diapers and I couldn't resist it anymore.

Its so much easier when I am wearing diapers. I find when I am in public wearing underwear I desire not to use the bathrooms anymore. How great it would be to just pee and not worry about it?

I even see myself desiring incontinence sometimes. I feel sorry for those who have it and don't want it. But I mean I can't help you. So please don't be angry when I say I wish I could be. Just to need them I wouldn't have to hide it and could be forced to wear them all the time. Unfortunately its all a day dream.

I think about having diaper experiences. So far I've only had this diaper experience alone. Even messaging people on the internet just doesn't fulfill this thought. It'd be great to have someone diaper me and I might even be up for some babying and such. But for sure just to hang out with someone in diapers would really make me feel great. Like really apart of a community.

I some times fantasize about a little kid, being me as the inner person, who goes through a diaper experience. This kid sometimes just needs them or is forced into having to wear diapers. Oh how great this would be for real to go back in time and re experience diapers as a little kid.

Now that I am older, kid diapers are too small for me. I am stuck to wearing adult ones. Makes me wish I really indulged more into my fetish earlier instead of waiting until I had more privacy and freedom. But I stick to taped diapers to kind of bring me back down to the baby level.

Although I consider myself a diaper lover, I can't say I am always turned on by diapers. Diapers have become more of my safety blanket. Something I do to remove myself from the stresses of this world and enter the world of the free man who dreams he was a toddler once again.

Thanks for reading. To all the diaper lovers out there, you are great. And to anyone who is willing to open up and be a friend I say I am always looking for new ones.
kf91 kf91
18-21, M
2 Responses Dec 1, 2012

Whoa... I have a distinct memory of being bad about keeping my briefs clean and my mom at one point threatening to diaper me. Of course, I didn't want her to... but part of me couldn't shake the idea from my mind. I was already playing dressup in whatever gear I could get my hands on back then, so I can't say that moment caused the desire, but it sure brought it to the front of my conscious thoughts. And spent the rest of my k-12 experience acquiring diapers, playing in them on and off, then getting caught, going back to it, etc. As an adult the "being punished" for all my naughty thoughts started to surface. In all reality, I think it tends to be an expression that we know it's not "appropriate" for big boys and girls to be dressing and behaving this way, but also not wanting the full responsibility of pursuing our diaper desires, even though that's exactly what we're doing. So much for being an appropriate big boy. LOL

It's all good! Stay strong lil bro! Peas out...