I Wonder

I use to be a different person growing up in the past. I did some of the worst things you could think of to people. I wonder how many people in my circle would leave if they knew my full past. It they could understand i am not the same anymore.

Arorin Arorin
22-25, M
43 Responses Feb 20, 2009

I dunno maybe, but if I have I dont remember anything about it.

Have you seen the film 'Inception' ?

I question myself because that is just how my brain works. I am curious and that is all there is to it. The change just came with time. I never really tried to change I just did. <br />
<br />
because hell on earth doesnt sound to fun. If I am here I might as well make everything as easy for myself as I can.

Ofcourse you care about yourself<br />
<br />
Why otherwise would you bother to question yourslf and change how you were?<br />
<br />
Why bother to work towards work that you will enjoy?

And as I said I do not care about myself at all and I never have, but your ideal of strength isnt going to keep you alive, only the type of strength I have will really do that, and that is true strength.

The way I see it is that you care about yourself and others now and because of that you are a billion times STRONGER than when you were were full of anger and hate

I am not purposely missing anything.

One of us is purposely missing the point that the other is making <br />
<br />
And I am quite sure it is you!

Obviously I can be truly strong, just look at me tasmin. <br />
<br />
I was cruel to everything, not just animals. I only hurt one animal though. <br />
<br />
I am smart enough to show people what I want them to see. I have the know how to be able to do that.

Well if that is true then that it just proves the point that you need compassion for yourself <br />
<br />
You can never be truly strong if you hate yourself <br />
<br />
I hate the fact that you used to be cruel to animals but you are not now and to me you seem a good person who cares about himself and others. <br />
<br />
Even on the internet you get a feel about people and so many people here feel the same about you that you are one of the good guys <br />
<br />
So there!

I am not talking rubbish tasmin I am actual living proof whether you want to believe it or not. I have lived in this world of fighting for your life everyday. I know what works and what doesn't. <br />
<br />
I hate myself if you want to know the truth. I dont have compassion for myself.

Ok then, speaking for myself, I think the ONLY thing that would force me to face my fears head on would be compassion.<br />
<br />
I think we are getting confused with words <br />
<br />
If the word could be used this way then I think you are compassionate about yourself .

Now you are talking rubbish!<br />
<br />
Exuse me while I google compassion <br />
<br />
Need to be sure I am using the right word

It is like being an ex-con smugit. Somethings people will never accept or try to see past if they have known. <br />
<br />
Strength comes from pain tasmin. The more you hurt and get past the stronger you will be once you heal. <br />
<br />
but would it over ride your fear and help? Some of the most compassionate people I have met were also the weakest. You can't deal with true fear until you have really faced it head on, and that isnt compassion. <br />
<br />
How is love stronger then hate? I built up all my strength that I have using hate as my motivator. I am living proof at how strong someone can be through pain, and hate. I haven't met any man raised on love or compassion that gets even close to as strong as I am.

Arorin!!!!!<br />
<br />
Where do you think strength comes from??<br />
<br />
If I saw a gang beating a person or animal I would like to believe that compassion would override my fear and force me to help..<br />
<br />
Ofcourse there can be physical strength without compassion and I guess mental too but as love is stronger than hate then I believe that compassionate strength has to be loads stronger than non compassionate

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't remember giving you an application to fill out to be my furless friend so hey it is all who you are in the heat and soul that I am like. Member we are all the same under the fur! huggin you right now HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG

Well I suppose I do now but lets keep that in the dark as I have an image to uphold! <br />
<br />
It doesn't help you win a fight, it doesnt help you push past pain, it opens you up to be used by other people, it doesnt help you get past hurtful emotions. Where does the strength come in at?

Arorin I am talking about you NOW!<br />
<br />
But the way I see it compassion is always a strength

Tasmin you have nothing to back that statement up about compassion and weakness. I am living proof that it is a weakness. You don't get as strong as I am with compassion. You get strong through hardships, and pain. It is the only way to really get strong, physically emotionally or mentally. <br />
<br />
I feel it now, but I never use to before. I didnt start to change from being a real nasty and bad person till I was around 17, but I had zero compassion in me before then. I was a very different person back then.

It is not true that being compassionate is a weakness<br />
<br />
And it is not true you do do not feel compassionate

I have done things that was bad and wrong, but i have never killed anyone so i don't regret any of it. No one is perfect and those things are just going to shape us into who we are. It is apart of growing and learning. <br />
<br />
I have wrote over 1000 stories. I have been here a long time, and i have grown and changed a whole lot since writing most of my stories. So some of them might not be 100 percent true for me anymore, but the only way to get to know me is to talk to me and ask so if you want to be my friend i am willing to have you around.

I seem to change a lot. More positive things in my life the better i am, but if the negative hits me the worse i become.

maybe in your past you were somehow evil,believe me,we all love you the way you are,and I want you to stay like that!An amazing arrogant!:)I know Youre bl<x>inking...

Well you just got to realize it may take a lot of years before that can happen for me. I have a lot of people trying to do the same thing as you but i just don't feel anything.

Yes I read your story, and let me revial something to you about me, It is not an easy thing to do,,, to have compassion on humans,,,but the Mother of heaven wants me too,,,you know very well how mean and ugly this world can be, and my heart goes out to ever soul that hurts and wants real love and that is what I am about, real love because I am that love, and if I don't love then the world is doomed to be miserable for ever,<br />
God/Goddess is here to pass judgement on all of humanity, and they are not playing this is for real, but what can I do to help someone who does not know love, you pain my heart because I can not say words that you will fill, so I just want someone to come into your life and show you how it feels to be really loved,mary

I believe compassion is weak. That the emotion it self is a weakness on humans. I believe it puts a burden on us. That is my believe even before i met you. It wasn't directed at you i just view the world differently then most people. I don't know how much you know about me. Did you ever read my story my past life?

that because I am a compassionate person I am weak, and you have not pushed me away I just want you to talk to me and tell me why you are so depressed and act like my responces to you are fake, so do you really want anwsers or are you just wanting to be sad all the time, I feel I can not say anything that would be right for you, I really do want to be your friend and if I have said anything that has hurt you I am sorry, I just want you to be real with me, because I am and will always be real and truthful with you.mary

Like what have i said that has pushed you away?

I am just trying to be your friend and you only say things that make me think you really don't want me as a friend, I am not trying to be mean to you I just want to find out about you so I can be more helpful, but if you just want me to stut up and go away I will,mary

You took what i said personally. It is a belief i have it wasn't an attack against you. I don't know enough about you to think anything at all about you.

because you are needing some love and why do you keep me if you think so little of me, mary

If you think so little of me why do you still talk to me?

and remmber opinions are like butt holes everyone has one,,,lol,,,mary

I don't care what you want to believe in Arorin, and why should I tell you what I can do that you can not do ,,just to brag ? I don't thinks so, but one thing I can do is bring storms, can you do that? really I am sure if you wanted to you could do anything I can do, because we all have the power,and I am not asking you to believe in anything I believe,and besides what do you know about anybody exsept your self and from what I have read, you don't know very much about your self either,I think your still wet behind your ears,mary

god forbid someone believes something differently then you do. If you are so strong then tell me something that you can do that i can't?

you are so full of it you have no idea what you are talking about,And I am not weak,and if it were not for the compassion of the Father and Mother of heaven, this world would not exsist, yeah I guess that makes you a mean person,thinking you are so much stronger than compassionate people, get your head out of you butt Arorin,and see how really very weak you are brother,Love and light is stronger then you will ever be. mary someone who is more real than you.

I live in a different reality then you and most other people. How i feel is something you will never understand unless you could live in my reality as well. Compassion makes people weak. No one who has compassion could ever be as strong as i am.

Well Arorin, I don't know what you have done in your past, and unless you tell me I will never know, but that is ok I still want to be your friend, and if you knew me maybe we could be friends, I try and give you my compassion and you think I am weak, or do you think what I say is not really, well I can tell you that I am not weak nor am I fake, I really do care about you, believe it or not,,hope you feel better about yourself. Love and light mary

not at this point i dont think lol.

well you couldnt if you tried:P

and besides you are the one person i woundnt want to get rid of.

yeah but you already know some of the stuff i been invovled with lol.

i wont ever ever ever leave you! :)