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Why Can't I Stand Up For Myself?

I am a hopeless doormat. I don't know why but I find it hard to say no to people. I can't stick up for myself, and all of this has gotten me into some pretty messed up situations.

Everyone who knows me knows about my doormat problem and some tend to use it to their advantage. My boss will call me in on days I have off or will tell me to come in early or ask me to stay late and it doesn't matter if I am tired or have plans, I can't say no. I feel so horrible even if I only hint that I have something else going on so I always just say yes.

I'm not proud of this at all but sometimes I have done things for men just because I can't say no and I feel awful about even thinking the word. It has never been sex but even some of my guy friends use this against me to get what they want and I can't help it.

I'm constantly afraid of being alone with people or getting to know them because I just don't know how to change it. I've tried so hard and yet I am still exactly the same and I hate myself for it.

I don't know what to do.

sirenofthenorth sirenofthenorth 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 20, 2010

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You never get rid of old habits, you just learn to make better ones to replace them. You will rise above it. Give yourself a "good job" because you are aware of it and have a desire for something better. I was a loyal pleaser until I realized that I was sending men, my family, and my professional associates the wrong message. I was telling them that I did not need to be heard, that my voice and opinion was redundant, useless, and counter-productive....<br />
We both know you have a mind of your own and just need to say "F it, this is what I am and am NOT doing." Do not let your time and heart be stepped on and spit on because of you not wanting to take care of you first. It's not selfish to say "NO." What scared me the most about saying no to people was not so much how they would react but whether they would leave me out to dry in my time of need.<br />
By saying no to anyone or anything, you are declaring your position, not negotiating, and dame it not compromising. If your boss is abusing your willingness to work late or come in early than you are the person who's wrong here not your boss. Your boss is not the one who is coming in early or working on his/her day off, you are. Take the matter into your own hands say no, be precise, and do not say sorry for it. You never want to put yourself in a position that will force your safety and stability in the hands of someone who has shown they don't give once ounce of consideration for you or your general well-being.<br />
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YOU DO KNOW WHAT TO DO...STEP UP AND OWN IT. SPEAK UP, BE HEARD, AND DON'T APOLOGIZE. You are to precious and fragile to let the condition of your heart, body, and soul rest in the hands of selfish, arrogant, manipulative people.

just keep ur head up m8 and just say no-- they'll get over it. every1 is busy thinkin bout themselves anyway, so why not u?