Sun And Rain

Sitting here, lonely.  Wet from walking in the rain.  My head hurts, I've had too many thoughts lately, and not enough time...

Sometimes I look inside myself. I find that I'm small.  I'm inadequate.  I'm fake. I'm confused. I'm not enough.  I'll never be.  

Cool breezes blow through open windows.  I hear the rain through the open door.
I smell coffee.  It's almost done.

I am missing London, a million miles, a world away.  


I wish I could hold moments and never let them go.
Instead just I end up chasing time again.

Sometimes I snuggle beneath my fluffy blanket and close my eyes, just wishing....always could be with me.

Sometimes, when I hear that perfect song, or someone smiles at me, or I bike down the summer green roads.  Sometimes I'll see a bear in the distance, or go to the ocean and watch fish jump.  Wading out to sea, swimming with piercing cold waves.  Sometimes life seems beautiful and almost....perfect.  But I never forget you.  Not for a moment.  I always wish you were here.   But sometimes I live outside myself, and problems small.


Yesterday I stood in the ocean.  Facing the deep, I feel a part of a world so far beyond my own.  The sea touches the shores miles away, but more then that, it touches the distant sky.  That sky that I once touched....once.  And it touches you.  As I did.  Once.

I watch the sky where the horizon line meet the sea.

Gentle wafts, breezes touch my face.  I close my eyes.  It smells like wildflowers.  They are blooming wild pink and blue along the scattered grasses hidden at the edge of the woods beside the sea.  It's summer now, God's gift to an empty world.  Sunlight, and rain showers.  Warm sky, blue and golden nights and....well, life is here now in full bloom.


I shiver in the cold breeze as my bare feet touch the concrete floor.  I watch the rain falling hard just outside.  The earth welcomes it, with its show of green and new life born through the storms.

I look outside of myself.

And smile.

stormynightsky stormynightsky
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 6, 2010

It's kind of just a bit of my journal. I write and also type journals a lot, and they usually make no sense, just lots of words and feelings. <br />
<br />
Physically close and emotionally far away is just as painful though, well maybe more really....*sigh* Always there in the background, yes that's exactly it. Distance is painful really no matter which kind it is, HATE being far away!!

Wow this is really well written, so visually detailed! I wish I could relate, but my problem in that regard is the exact opposite, so physically close and so emotionally far away...however I know how you feel with them always in your thoughts...and even when you are happy...they are still there in the background of your subconscious. Always there, because your heart cannot be at rest.