A Letter to My Brother

19 Years later

July 27, 1997

A letter to my Brother

Beijing, China 413609


Dear Brother,

I was saddened to hear about the passing of your dear friend and I thought I would write some encouraging words. I know she meant a lot to you and was a true companion to you throughout all of your travels in Southeast Asia these many years. Although words are never enough to remove the pain; be it the loss of a friend, a spouse, a parent or just someone you care for dearly,  there are words from One who

we know takes care of everything.  Therefore, if I can offer you anything, I can always offer you that…

I do not share this with many people, however, I feel compelled to do so now –

My first wife and I were married for 9 years. In July 1989, she became ill with Multiple Myeloma, which is a very serious kind of cancer. What began as a minor backache soon developed into something much more deadly, and only a few days after the back pain began, she was unable to stand or walk. We kept contacting the doctor, who was an orthopedic specialist, and finally he reluctantly told her she needed to come into the hospital, but I am sure he did not believe us. She was unable to get out of bed due to the immense pain, and had to be was taken out of the house on a stretcher. Once we arrived at the hospital, it did not take very long for the doctors to find out that something very serious was wrong her. In addition, course, after all of the tests came back the next morning we learned the life changing news.

For the 2 weeks that followed, her conditioned worsened greatly. I stayed with her every night at the hospital and slept next to her in a chair. One night, her breathing became so labored that she had slipped into a coma. In the room, there was a cross above the door, and for most of the night, I sat up and prayed with all my heart and soul, asking my Lord my sweet Jesus for a chance to fight this terrible illness. Therefore, it was, by the next morning she awoke, feeling refreshed and alive. She smiled again, something I had not seen so long. She told me about a wonderful dream she had where she had seen a great white light; warm and inviting, but was told to turn away from it because it was not yet time. Within a few weeks, she went home; the chemotherapy had stopped, the drugs had stopped, the physical pain stopped, she was able to walk without a wheel chair, walker, or cane, and was able laugh and love again. The Grace of God was so good and so alive: Truly was a miracle, the depth of which we did not even understand.

However, 9 months later she took a turn for the worst. The cancer had returned. I spent much of my time during those days taking care of her, and as a result, I was away from my job a lot, and eventually was fired. This hurt me deeply because I could not understand why my boss could be so unsympathetic about my personal situation..But business is about making money..Give unto Caesar what is Caesar's, and give unto God what is God's Sometimes things happen that really hurt and we do not understand why God has allowed these things to occur; we only know it hurts and we only know that at the time we feel abandoned. Nevertheless, we are not alone; we are not lost; we are not without our Friend Jesus; never.  However, when she passed away, one year after becoming ill, my world crashed. I could not understand why God had suddenly turned from me, and allowed this to be. I disowned Him, and I pushed him away. I sought a destructive life and began to drink too much wine until the point where I would pass out…I was drinking 4 to 5 bottles of wine a day, was a heavy smoker in those days, and ate virtually nothing. Every night I fell asleep with my heart breaking all over again while clutching my wife's picture. Completely passed out from far too much drink, I hoped for a good dream; instead of a nightmare. I had become part of the trash heap of life, like so many people committed to that life, I wallowed in it, drank it, breathed it, ate it, embraced it, and every day I got up and did it all over again. I was jobless, I was mindless, I was spiteful, I was hateful, I contemplated suicide (and at one time came close to acting upon it).

Yet,  I did not...

kellycake kellycake
1 Response Mar 13, 2009

Thank you willie M for sharing this piece.