Ideally

 You wonder how you got here, not here here per se, but how life came to be this way... for you. You wonder why you are three inches shorter than your brother, and why you're still unmarried. You wonder why on earth your hair is curly and why your eyes change from blue to green depending on the time of day or the color shirt you wear. You wonder why you didn't listen to the adults when they told you years before you became one that life was tough and that you better have a Plan B because dreams don't come easy, but you know if you had listened to them you wouldn't have had as much fun in school and you would have never met your first love. You realize that you have become the sum of your experiences and yet who you have become says very little about you. You wonder about how a few small changes could have altered everything--if you hadn't been born two weeks late, if you'd grown those extra inches, if you hadn't partied quite so hard in college or maybe if you'd just been smarter about it. These days you think about everything and you wonder how you could have made it better, or how if maybe it'd been worse, you'd be better for it now. You still dream. Typing at your desk during the day you steal moments to write, you look up your old love online, and you remember how great life can be when those little miracles you never expected turn up when you least expect them, and you wonder if and when the next will come. And on your way home from work you continue to dream because without them you'd be lost.