No One Came To Save MeI shaked and stuttered as i read my Life & Addiction essay. I kept thinking "in the end, everyone will clap for me." no one did. i asked why, upset and broken. "because your story was so sad. no one elses was like that."
How my world ended was why i was in this place, rehab. Or cd unit, chemical dependency. The day before i ended up here was a good day.I picked up, got cash from my food stamps, a guy bought me a drink, i got a ride. walking home i talked to myself "this is why i get high. because i have such good days. and good things happen." I would spend hours in the bathroom, smoking and nodding out. I wouldn't even notice.
i came home to my dog fluffy gone. i lost it. i ran around yelling for her. i got her back and yelled at geo. it was my "karma" for borrowing his ring to pawn. josh came home from a na meeting. he knew i was high. i wanted to get high more. so instead i cut myself. i passed out on the bathroom floor. blood everywhere. i cut deep with a razor blade.
we called the suicide hotline. i called to make a point. they told me they were sending cops. i said hell ****** no. Geo wrestled the phone with me. i tried to hop the fence but josh grabbed my legs. i told him if he didn't let me go i will hate him for the rest of my life. he told me he would leave me if i didn't get help. i loved him so much i got down.
my son was naked. just a diaper on as i held him in my arms. he preferred me. i was his favorite. that day he was 2 months old. i gave him to josh as i got loaded into the ambulance. josh said it will only be 72 hours. like everyone else said. that turned into a month.
i got taken to the physic ward. where cps was contacted and my blood tested positive for opiates. in a small cold room i was told they removed my company and they will terminate my rights if i make a mistake. i cried so hard tears came out of my right eye. which never happens. my heart cracked into a thousand pieces.
that was when my world crashed around me. that was when i didn't want to get high anymore. after being faithful to roxies for 3 years i was ready to break up with them. they did things to me i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
after completing rehab i went to all about kids to get my son back. october 4th is judgement day. im already started on my case plan. i want my son to know when he gets older i didn't choose drugs over him. it was drugs over him, i picked him. i want him to know i didn't even have to think about it. that i did everything i could to get him back. they say jump i saw how high. they say jump over a cliff i would. because there is no fear when there is love. hes my heart outside of my body. i want him to know i got him back as soon as i could. that i did everything i could to get him back. that hes my novembver 1. hes my life. without him there's no point in living.
and that's my story since June 2nd when i got institutionalized. i got released july 1st. im now in the sober living home fighting for my sons life. doing to iop. ready for the fight. i love my son.
BellaVara 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 Jul 22, 2012