Gotta Survive In This World

In this world there is no time to peace and love up the whole world,
The world simply does not allow for such an opportunity to unveil itself...
The world never opens the curtains for a show of peaceful living and being ONE with all,
There is no time to sit in ONE PIECE being whole while being a part of the ALL...

I could have chosen the life of a monk in saffron in the Himalayas (how the f..uck do you spell that, who the f..uckk cares in this rat race in anyway about such mythical dreams far away in a peaceful forest away from society's filth you just want to shake off sometimes huh?)
But I didn't choose that life, why did I choose this one instead filled with so much human mess?
Why did I choose such a challenging path to sit back and die, crawling into a hole of meditating bliss practically telling my soul to leave my body for I am done with this physical reality?!

No hell no...
If I wanted to be just spirit I wouldn't have come here,
Nor took on the challenge to be clad in flesh...
Why did I want this life?
Maybe because I just like the thrill of this war between light and darkness, when God and Satan act like jealous lovers about who'll get my little soul... Ha ha ha

I know I say I am fallen,
So did I come here for the sake of redemption?
Did I have no choice but to come here not like I had a say in choosing this life I am in now?!!
I honestly don't know at present but all I can say is that I am a pawn in the game between light and darkness,
And frantically I love it and won't have it any other way... Never a dull moment when the scales tip in whatever direction...

It is one big f..u..cking thrill to have demons and God tugging on your soul at the same time...
But here I've lost my story line again...

Oh yeah back to the thrill of these good and evil games going on...
In this life we are forced to live in fragments of the self otherwise we simply won't survive,
We have to have an ego separating ourselves from the rest or we won't make it in life...
Because this ONENESS THING of the love and lighters really lulls your mind into a peaceful state of nothingness,
As if you get lost in the universal consciousness not having an awareness or purpose of your own any longer...

I can't love all for then I would make peace with all too quickly,
And just want to f..u..cking die already...
If my own consciousness becomes part of a greater consciousness the "I" ceases to exist and I might as well be dead...
So no seeing another as myself to become someone else as I have to blaze my own trail in this world now...

I have to inspire others through self-love,
And not through the love of others...
If I love others just like that and accept them for all they are so much that I want to become them,
Then I cease to have a voice or purpose of my own; so why even bother living then??????!!!!!
indigowitch indigowitch
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 25, 2012

Dude, you're like a past me.

I used to be incredibly torn as you are, and I wish I could help you see that self-love is not the ultimate answer. Finding a place where you can be part of something and removing the ID and the EGO while still maintaining happiness and purpose in life is a very important part of finding what tao really is.

In life it's important that the individual feels whole (clearly you represent yourself as un-whole right now, just by the way you write). Feeling whole can never be found within yourself, we are all part of each other and it's important that humans learn to work together. Spirits and cultures and families are splitting way too quickly and each of us needs to stop that by starting with ourselves. Each of us needs to embrace that happiness and wholeness does not start and end with ourselves, it comes from creating happiness for others.

"You are sitting in an empty room by yourself. You are feeling absolutely blank, zero emotion. You force yourself to smile. You are not happy, although you are smiling."
"You are sitting in a nearly empty room, there is another person sitting across from you. You are both blank, feeling nothing. You smile at the person across from you and they smile back, now you are happy."

You can only truly be happy when you are sharing it with another, happiness is something that cannot be kept to yourself, as well as negativity. Everything you do affects everyone around you, whether you notice it or not.

You need to start living for others and teaching them that this is not a race. If all of humanity were to die out tomorrow, no one would win. If half of them were to die by working together, all of humanity wins, we would still be in existence. Survival, happiness and well being is the goal, the individual does not matter. The group matters.

Start teaching and spreading compassion, not selfishness and evil.

...Listen you want me to take you seriously as some spiritual teacher or wise person BUT I cannot when reading your experiences on how up and messed up your own life is... Loose sexual relations does NOT fit well with someone thinking they are so smart like yourself... You clearly have not read all my experiences nor understand where I am coming from... And teaching people survival skills is not being EVIL but giving them the tools to survive is an act of goodness, you don't know me or my intentions in helping people see they need to love themselves to get ahead in life, and not be stuck on others and their well being alone for that would only put you in the dark and create some imbalance between you and others, in order to make the world a better place you first have to get your own sh!xt together and be an example of what a proper person should be, making an influence with your self-love aka self-respect... Maybe if you had any self-respect yourself you would understand that you gotta love yourself first before loving someone else... You have to first be able to take care of yourself before you can help or take care of others... You need to first heal yourself in order to heal someone else... But you don't know anything of self-love now do you? Because you lack utter self-respect and like to be treated like sh!xt and be nothing in your pathetic life. I have learned all I had from you! Thanks for the lesson, I hope I don't end up as f..u..cked up as you, someone who can't pick herself up to be an example to others of true strength and integrity, allowing people to control your life and trample all over you making you less of a human... You best serve as a WARNING than an example to any other human being. Thanks for the sh!xxtty image you send out in the world, it inspires me to be a better person. Truly I am grateful for you as messed up messenger on my path!!!

Wow, I was trying to be positive with you and you took it in the exact wrong way.

I don't understand what sexuality has to do with intelligence.

I strongly believe that people should help each other and in helping each other they are helping themselves... That was the point I was trying to make and it obviously went right over your head... :/

... tell me how are you helping yourself BY NOT practicing what you preach? And how can you help yourself if your self-worth is next to nothing? Sexuality has much to do with intelligence, for it is the BIGGEST temptation of STUPIDITY, trying to see how stupid someone is to go that LOW.

I usually practice what I preach, I mean sometimes even I forget to rinse my dishes after getting annoyed that someone else didn't, but I think that's about the extent of my not practicing what I preach.

Sexuality, again, has nothing to do with intelligence. I'm not really sure what you're trying to insinuate with comments about it, as I hardly have much of a sex life at all, and don't particularly care for it unless it's with someone I deeply care for. It's like you think I'm a huge **** who goes around ******* everything that moves?

As a basic rule of psychology, I can presume that you are trying to make a point about sexuality because either you are incredibly insecure about it, or have fallen prey to sexual predators who have taken advantage of you in the past...

... lmao so you are saying you have no se..x life and YOU DO NOT BELONG IN A POLY household and DO NOT HAVE A MASTER, so that was all a lie... okay I think I am done arguing with you! Thanks for stopping by I learned much from you, thanks in anyway!

It's not a lie. I didn't say I don't have a sex life. I said I don't have much of one, I do with my Master sometimes, but we don't go around having orgies all the time, that would be disgusting in my opinion.

I live in a poly house hold, and I have a Master, that doesn't mean I go around screwing them all. I don't understand why you decided that sex has anything to do with relationships, OR slavery.

... WELL then you shouldn't call yourself a submissive aka slave nor say you live in a poly household... so you don't sc..r..ew each other, how enlightening?! haha you live in a poly household and you find sleeping with each other disgusting okay so you MUST NOT REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER THEN... okay I am done with this, please get off my post!

No, you're wrong, I am an owned and collared slave. I find most human contact disgusting and always have, my Master is working on that with me though, which I'm grateful for :) It is real love, sex has nothing to do with love, although sex is nice, it's not absolutely necessary for people to love each other or have a meaningful relationship.

I'm your adversary, I am challenging you and your faith in god. You know I'm right, about everything I have posted.

.. yes you are right in your mind, great to know you don't like so much contact with your "master".

... What do you mean don't like contact with my Master? We're watching tv together right now... lol

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